My Perfect Xmass

It's almost that time of the year, again... blah... blah... blah. No I'm not a Scrooge, I'm just not a fan of Christmas of today. It's suppose to be about eating too much food and spending time with the ones you love and having some seasonal cheer, clementines, stale fruit cake and eating shortbread cookies. It's not suppose to be the greedy gimme gimme gimme commercial crock of poo it has become. I've always been a traditional Yule type of girl and will remain so, how ever, this years December 25th is going to be like no other.

Past Xmasses I have usually found myself at my parents, or a relatives home for the standard meal of dead bird and the fixings. Being Vegan this is not my idea of a nice meal. This year, is going to be completely different. This year I FINALLY get to spend the day my way. This year I am going to have my PERFECT XMASS.

My perfect Xmass fantasy is to spend the day in my jammies, on my couch, watching horror themed Xmass movies, snuggled up with my dogs, under my favourite quilt and enjoy the entire day. A day that is ALL MINE, all by myself, just me! This year for the first time EVER, I finally get to fulfill this dream day!

This year I don't have to go to dinners where all I can eat is salad, bread and cranberry sauce. I don't have to remove myself from the warm surroundings of my apartment to drag my carcass out into the cold streets to go celebrate a holiday I don't even like. I don't have to sit in a corner and watch children whine and complain that they didn't get all the gifts on their list or that the ones they did get weren't good enough. No, I don't have to do any of those things. December 25th is MY DAY and I will be spending it MY WAY!

My fridge will be full with my favourite foods, there will be apple cider and brandy and vegan eggnog. I always do a tonne of baking to give away of gifts and will ensure I have made extra for myself. If I feel like it, I will eat cookies all day. There will be Waffles and home made maple syrup and coffee... mmmmmm lots of yummy coffee.

I will fall asleep on the eve of the 24th, after getting my fill of the Grinch, then waking on the 25th, moving from my bed to the couch and popping in Xmass themed horror movies. I will only get off the couch to take the pups for their walk, or to get food or apple cider. This is my way to celebrate December 25th and I have to say it is the best idea I've had yet.

New Issue of Shebytches.com is alive!!!

Hey all, a new issue of Shebytches is alive!

Heather Wood
I've been trying to come up with a clever opening to this piece and haven't been able to.

Romy Shiller Opposition

I cannot think of permanent enmity between man and man, and believing as I do in the theory of reincarnation, I live in the hope that if not in this birth, in some other birth I shall be able to hug all of humanity in friendly embrace.
Mahatma Gandhi

I have been contrary all of my life. I rarely did or said what was expected. Honestly, among most of my peers I am the mildest. I am not extreme in appearance or attitude but how I think is out of the ordinary.

Viki Ackland A writer’s edge

I have been speculating of late if being filled with loneliness and angst, as opposed to being content and happy, has some bearing on a person’s ability to write in a way that has some sort of edge to the appeal.

Single Women stories

Good Morning Lovelies.

Single women out there, message me here or email me at carolina@carolinasmart.ca. I need to hear why you became single or remain single. It can be antic dotes, stories, advice, all of the above. Am working on a project and am doing research.

2009 Toronto Zombie Walk

I can't believe this years Zombie Walk is just around the corner. It's been a great year for the undead! Only a few weeks ago we shambled up the red carpet for George Romero. This years walk is going to be extra special as my Mom, sister and two of my nephews are coming all the way from Wiarton to join in! Yeah!!!



Here are all the details for the walk and the after parties!

Start Time:
Saturday, 24 October 2009 at 15:00
End Time:
Sunday, 25 October 2009 at 02:00
Location:
Starting at Trinity Bellwoods Park and ending at Bloor and Bathurst
Description
On October 24th the DEAD shall RISE!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?success=1&id=743565724#/event.php?eid=121599804490&ref=ts

Roust your fetid corpse from its slumber, brush off those cobwebs and attend The 7th Annual Toronto Zombie Walk!

This year’s walk will commence at 3:30pm at Trinity Bellwoods Park, the meeting point will be the pit which is bordered by Dundas St. and Gore Vale Ave.

After your 3 Kill-O-Meter lurch in quest of human flesh meet your fate at The DEAD END (Bathurst and Bloor).

Walk route:

Start-Trinity Bellwoods Park
Trinity Bellwoods to Dundas
East on Dundas to Kensington Ave.
North on Kensington Ave to Baldwin
West on Baldwin to Augusta
North on Augusta to College
West on College to Borden
North on Borden to Bloor st

End at Bloor and Bathurst...(exact vicinity to be announced)

POST-WALK

As night creeps we invite you to attend Cinema of the Dead at the Bloor Cinema for a two for terror double ZOMBIE bill!



Fulci's Zombie and Night of the Comet are the featured films! Doors at 6:30pm

Zombies pay 16 bones for the double feature, the living will have to cough up 20 ( that is if they make it past the undead..mwahahah)..

www.cinemaofthedead.com


.... if the movies do not suit your fancy, or if you want to keep your DEAD On after the movies, Sneaky Dees and The Rock Ons will be hosting The Official Toronto Zombie Walk After Party...prepare to rock the crypt!



After a long day of eating flesh and mowing down brains you need something to do and we got it.

Starting at 9:00pm at Sneaky Dee's
is
The Official Zombie Walk After Party
Featuring performances by

The Delinquints - www.myspace.com/delinquintsmusic
THE ROCK ONS - www.myspace.com/THEROCKONS
The Nightmares - www.myspace.com/thenightmaresmusic
Cadillacs And Cadavers - www.myspace.com/cadillaccadaver
w/ special guest DJ Eric Von Eric

There will be movies, trophies, zombie bands, giveaways and not to mention BRAINS!!!!!

Only $5 at the door

Don't be fooled by imitations. This is The OFFICIAL Zombie Walk After Party.

and remember

KEEP THE DEAD ALIVE!!!!!

http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=toronto+zombie+walk&init=quick#/event.php?eid=151984898386

Toronto Zombie Walk Sponsors:

Roadrunner Records
It’s My Party
Into Halloween
Boneyard Bargains
Creeped Out Canada
Anchor Bay Entertainment
Maple Pictures
AAAAAH Indie Horror Hits
E1 Entertainment
Penguin Group Books
Toxic Avenger the Musical
Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles
Simon Pure
Ghoul Friday

A special thanks to those who helped us raise money by donating to the BRAINDRIVE so we could have the event this year:

Yonge St. Tattoos
Darkside
Malabar
Toronto After Dark
The Krafty Kreep
Quirk Books
Creepy Christine
She Bytches
2 Mile Jewelry
Crywolf
Burning Effigy
Quirk Books
The Raclones
Horror Biz
Skullians
The Screamagers

Weird Ass Dreams

On a good night, I don't sleep... and when I do it is in fits. The last month I've been plagued with nightmares, last night was one of the weirdest. What the hell does this one mean.

A 5 year old girl, with a bad bowl cut, is stuck in a well. (this girl is a former friend of mine who I only met when she was in her 20's, so have no clue what she would look like as a kid). The kid could easily get out, she isn't hurt, there is a ladder. Her Mom is standing beside me calling out her daughters name and begging everyone around to help get her out. I'm standing calm and looking amused at the chaos. The little girl refuses help from EVERYONE. And keeps insisting that the only person she will let rescue her is me. She is very stubborn and actually gets upset when others try to pull her out...

I have no clue how the dream ends. Maybe it didn't...

I know this doesn't sound very nightmarish... it was.. you had to be there...

New issue of lipstikindie.com

Hey everyone, our new issue of Lipstik Indie (lipstikindie.com) is up for your viewing pleasure. Our featured artist is Dwayne Morgan's Live - 10th Anniversary Show as reviewed by Devon 'The Split' Jones

Reviews also include:

The Absense by Bill Hussey and Harlot by Jill Alexander Essbaum reviewed by Andrew MacDonald
Again by Romy Shiller reviewed by Carolina Smart
Pause Designs reviewed by Laura Roberts
Streamlined CD reviewed by Nik Beat

Articles I am working on! Feedback needed

Hey Ladies! I am working on my next two articles and need to hear your stories. These are my two topics:

He’s Your Friend’s Husband & He Hit On You

When To Call It Quits on A Friendship

Please email me at carolina@carolinasmart.ca with your stories, how this made you feel and any other thoughts you have on the topic. I am also looking for feedback from experts.

Also include your name or pseudonym, age, city and occupation!

Thank you! Carolina

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack

Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack

Posted using ShareThis

Three steps forward!

The last two and half years of my life have been full of chaos, change, realization, anger, loss, renewal and now finally, calm. The last year seems to be when the majority of all of this happened, but I’m glad it did. It had to because it led me to the place I am in my life right now. This place is a good place and I am finally happy.

There are many factors that got me here. Things that had to happen to make me realize I had been giving way too much of myself away to make others happy and keeping large parts of who I am hidden to not scare others away. I would continually let things go, let people hurt me and act as if things were ok. They weren’t ok, and it took me a year and a half to finally find myself again. I know this sounds all teenage angst and all, but it’s true. I had to buck up and walk away from all the things that were pushing me deeper into the mire that was becoming my life.

In the process of fixing me, I lost a friend of 15 years, lost another friend of a much shorter period, stopped dating all together, hermitted myself and became absorbed in my writing and took time to think long and hard about why I was miserable. What I realized, as I already mentioned, is I was giving away all of me and getting nothing back.

The hardest of all the losses to deal with was my friend of 15 years, she had been there through much of the bad times and most of the good times and I felt like I was going it completely on my own without her. I am not going to get into the whys, the past is the past and it needs to stay there. Though this sounds odd and as hard as it was, I needed to do it on my own. This was the only way I was going to find my strength again.

Finally I’ve found my happy place. I have people around me who like me for who I am, not for what I can do for them. Rather than have a small group of friends, I now have a larger, more diverse group. These are also people who don’t take offense if they don’t hear from me for days at a time, realizing I have a lot on my plate and are willing to let me do what I need to do. I also now quickly recognize all the warning signs and red flags and do not hesitate in walking away from things that are going to put me back in the black hole again.

The other thing I had to struggle with and am now over the hump, is I am incredibly happy being completely single. A year ago last July I stopped dating. The first few months were hard, I went through intense bouts of anger, sadness, low self esteem and loneliness. I feel we are conditioned to believe we need to have a companion or we aren’t complete. Though I do miss the fun benefits of having someone in my life, they were something I was willing to sacrifice and had to if I wanted to be ok again. Not dating was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.

Will I ever be in a relationship again? Maybe, but it has to be with the right person. The lesson I learned is don’t settle for anything less than your highest expectations. They need to have everything that is on the list, not just 60%. In all likelihood, I may never find that person and if so, so be it. It’s like buying a car, if I don’t like the options that come with it, I’m not buying the car!

Career wise, my life is insane, but that amazing I can’t get enough of this insane. I’ve taken a contract position at a publishing house and am learning how the other side of my world works. I’m only into week two but am loving it. I am still writing/editing full time as well and my own writing is moving in the right direction. Though slow, things are falling into place, apparently patience is a virtue that pays off.

It’s been a long, crazy journey, but I am now finally going down the road where I get to take three steps forward!

New Issue of Shebytches.com is alive!!!

Hey all the new issue is up! Check it out at www.shebytches.com

Carolina's Bytch An Extinct Breed

Right now I am fighting to stay awake. My recent bout with insomnia has me feeling exhausted. Sure it's beneficial, no sleeping means more time to write. Not sleeping also allows me to think, too much. I should be using my brain power to come up with devious plans on how to take over the world, or write, or finish off my second book proposal, rather than do that, the last two nights I have been trying to figure out why I have this awful pit in my stomach, again.

Heather Wood Happily ever after… or not.

Earlier this year two University of Pennsylvania researchers, Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, released a paper called "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness".

Romy Shiller Double Standard?

When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
- Mae West

Maybe this is a booty call. Do females do that? Do I care? I think many women are worried about seeming desperate or as being perceived as a slut. Do males worry about those things? Dictionary.com defines double standard as "[a] set of principles permitting greater opportunity or liberty to one than to another, especially the granting of greater sexual freedom to men than to women."

Viki Ackland Stick to your DO list

I have always been prone to writing pro and con lists when undecided about things that my head is quite decided about.

2009 Toronto Zombie Walk Fiendraiser

On July 18, the dead shall rise and descend on the Smiling Buddha Bar for the second annual Toronto Zombie Walk Fiendraiser.

Prepare for an evening of ear-splitting monster bands and spooktacular giveaways. All the money raised from the Fiendraiser will go towards the operating costs of this year's Toronto Zombie Walk.

Only seven people attended the first Zombie Walk, held in Toronto in 2003, but the ghoulish plague has since spread across the globe. Zombie Walks are now held throughout Canada, the United States, England, Australia and Israel. Last year's sixth annual Toronto Zombie Walk drew a record-breaking crowd of over 2,000 living dead!

The Zombie Walk is now bigger than ever. Organizers have been forced to obtain permits to stage this year's walk, scheduled for October 24th.

The Toronto Zombie Walk Fiendraiser will be held at The Smiling Buddha Bar (961 College St. W) on the ghoulish night of July 18th. Doors open at 9 p.m. Bands include The Screamagers {http://www.myspace.com/screamagers}, The Ralcones {http://www.myspace.com/raclones} and Skullians {http://www.myspace.com/skullians}.
Plus special end of the night set with Horror Biz!
http://www.myspace.com/horrorbiz

Come in Zombie gear for discounted tickets, as well as a chance to win our Zombie costume contest. Raffle prizes include gift certificates from Yonge Street Tattoos, leather chokers and passes to the opening night of the Toronto After Dark Film Festival.

You don't want to miss the flesh-eating event of the summer. Come and partake in the Toronto Zombie Walk's second annual Fiendraiser and help us continue to raise the dead every October.

Tickets:
$7 for Zombies!
$10 for Non Zombies

Prize packs donated by the following sponsors:

It’s My Party
Creeped Out Canada
Darkside
Anchor Bay Entertainment
The Krafty Kreep
Yonge Street Tattoos
Toronto After Dark Film Festival
Malabar
Toxic Avenger the Musical
2-Mile Jewellry
Burning Effigy Books
Tightrope Books
AAAAAH-Films.com
Creepy Christine
Invader Press
Cry Wolf Clothing
Quirk Books
The Rock Ons
Schizophrenic Records
The Screamagers

July issue of lipstikindie.com

Hey all, the new issue of lipstikindie.com is ready for your viewing pleasure!

Check out our featured artist Nashira Dernesch as reviewed by Anne F. Walker. Anne reviewed Nashira’s It’s No Secret You’ll Feel Better and The Snowing Under. Anne also reviewed Jan Steckel’s The Underwater Hospital.

Also in the July Issue are Reviews by:

Nik Beat - The Rizdales and Michelle Mangione

Laura Roberts - Snazzy Girl

Matt Gilbert - The Notorious Newman Brothers

Viki Ackland - Mink and The Fat Dukes of Fuck

Carolina Smart - Fresh Blood and Primeval Woods from Burning Effigy and the always sassy High Heels Lofi

New Issue of Shebytches.com is alive!!!

Guest Writer

Oneal Walters - Poetry

WHAT'S NEW

Carolina's Bytch - The Baffling Events That Single Women Everywhere Have To Endure

I had an awesome conversation last night with the amazing and talented Kim. I've had a couple rough days, partly due to my own inner demons, partly due some incredibly hurtful things that were said to me. After the conversation, I was able to shake that last bit of crabbiness that was still lingering around.

Heather Wood - SAVED BY THE SUMMER BELL

Well, we're not having a summer election after all. Our barbecues and patio gatherings are safe from annoying interruptions by party canvassers and political campaign calls. More importantly, we now have more time to tackle an on-going problem – the lack of female representation in Parliament.

Pixie Says - Ask the Japanese government to ban video-game rape simulators pt. 2

So my previous post about the Equality Now campaign to ban rape-simulator video games in Japan provoked some discussion on Facebook. One of my friends countered that fantasy is a space that should not be policed: as a feminist, I agree with him, which got me thinking that...

Romy Shiller - POP goes the TEEN

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Simply skimming. Images of youth in popular culture. Not Toddlers and Tiaras (2009) about toddler beauty pageants, which makes me sick or the 20-something hot bods in the new Star Trek (2009), I am such a Cougar - "an older woman who sexually pursues men at least eight years her junior."(Wikipedia) I am discussing teenagers and tweens - "the stage between middle childhood and adolescence in human development, generally in the age range of 10 to 12 years of age." (Wikipedia).

and

Romy Shiller - LETTER TO THE EDITOR: MS. MAGAZINE FEATURING BARACK OBAMA ON THE COVER OF Issue: WINTER 2009

According to the book Third Wave Feminism and Television: Jane Puts it in a Box by the head of women's studies at South-Carolina U., Merri Lisa Johnson, I'm a third wave feminist.

Viki Ackland - End of the Road

I am not really a girly girl. Like a lot of my friends and peers I am independent, self assured and have a rather high opinion of my worth. I have a clear idea of what I deserve, what I want, and what I will not tolerate, and the only rare time my Libra self gets out of balance is when one of those equations are missing.

The Baffling Events That Single Women Everywhere Have To Endure

I had an awesome conversation last night with the amazing and talented Kim. I’ve had a couple rough days, partly due to my own inner demons, partly due some incredibly hurtful things that were said to me. After the conversation, I was able to shake that last bit of crabbiness that was still lingering around. Kim reminded me that we have a purpose and nothing, not even peoples stupid words should affect how I feel about myself.

Single, Independent, Strong

When I was 18 I moved away from home. Since then I’ve looked after myself. I’ve always been a very independent, self reliant single female. {with the exception of one long term relationship, in which I was still looking after myself} I’m not going to lie and say I don’t need to have companionship. Hell, I would love to meet that one person who does it for me on all levels. Who wouldn’t? After having two crappy crappy relationships in a row, along with too many jerks in between, I’ve started to wonder if that is even possible and come this July it will be exactly 1 year since I’ve dated. {as I keep telling everyone, I’m on strike till conditions improve, obviously they haven’t}

Embracing your single woman status comes with bonuses, such as freedom and the comfort of knowing that you only answer to you. The not so pleasant flip side of this though, are the BS conversations we have to put up with. The majority of the time it will be ignorant people making lame attempts to hurt your feelings. Occasionally it is people who are ‘concerned’ and feel that all women should be in relationships {even when their own are less than satisfactory}. The first conversation was one I had just a few days ago {and part of what spawned this whole entry}, the rest have happened over time.

“Where is your date?”
“Date?”
“But, it’s Friday night.”
“So.”
“You should be on a date.”
“It’s hard to be on a date if no one asks.”
“Oh come on, I’m sure someone has asked recently.”
“No, not really, no.”
“Well, you are kind of intimidating. You might want to try being nicer.” {fyi, this conversation was with a man, who has a girlfriend, and he was staring at my breasts for most of the evening}
“You know what, you can just bite me.”

What’s the deal with marriage anyway... or questions I’ve had to put up with since I was 21...

“When do you plan on getting married?”
“I’m single.”
“I know, when do you plan on getting married?”
{this usually goes on for a while, like the ‘whose on third’ Abbott and Costello routine, it either ends with me considering banging my head on cement till I’m in a coma or drinking}

Visual aide - Woman your own age is looking at you like you just farted.
“Still single I see.”
{to some being single equates to leprosy or some similar disease}

“Oh you poor thing, being single must be so lonely.”

“Well, at least you have your dogs to keep you company.”

A Mother’s Love

Occasionally mother’s of single women have to endure stupid questions. My Mother is my biggest champion, never taking any guff and telling people to either mind their own business or now her latest “My daughter doesn’t need a man.” Of course that occasionally backfires on her...

These are just a few questions that she has had to deal with and I love her to pieces for voicing out!

“Is you daughter ever getting married?”
or
“What’s wrong with your oldest daughter? All of your other children are either married or have kids?”
“She doesn’t need to.”

“Is your daughter gay?”
“Even if she was it’s none of your business.”

“Shouldn’t she be married by now?”
“Who says she needs to be married?”

I was told my Mother has even taken to cursing at people....

Lets take a moment to think about this, if my own Mother doesn’t worry about me being on my own, why is it so disconcerting to the rest of you? Why is such a biggie for a woman to be single? Rather than ridicule us, or be concerned for us, why not do what the rest of us do. Be proud of us. We are strong, independent women and if you don’t stop picking on us, I’m sending my mother after you.

New issue is alive!!!

Happy June 1st everyone. Even though we still don't have the summer temperatures we are all wanting, this months issue of Lipstik Indie (www.lipstikindie.com) should heat things up! This is what we have in store for you:

Featured Artist - Jeff Cottrill (carolina smart)

Books - Garbageman by Joseph D'lacey (carolina smart), Raincloud by Richard S. Todd (cathy petch)
Bands - Skulls (Misfit Tribute Artists) (carolina smart), The Populars (nik beat)
eZine/store - Herbivore (laura roberts)
Movie - Still We Ride (matt gilbert)
Music Artists - Gary Beals (devon jones), Bendicion (nik beat), A.K.A. Subliminal (devon jones)

New Issue of Shebytches.com is alive!!!

Hey Everyone! The new issue of Shebytches is alive. Please swing on over to www.shebytches.com to check it out. Below is what is hot off the presses!

GUEST WRITER

Oneal Walters - Poetry - Picture of Love, Untitled, Can’t Find Love In Arguing (The Age Begins)


WHAT'S NEW

Carolina's - Bytch Two Journeys - I am about to start two very different journeys; one involves a possible move and the other a four-legged ten-year-old fur ball. Both are going to be tough and likely expensive, but one won't stop the other from happening or vice versa.

Cindyloohoo So long fat girl! - After a lifetime of being overweight (and many years of being "morbidly obese"), I decided last year to get rid of this massive chip on my shoulder (and off my ass) and have gastric bypass surgery. Nine months later and I feel great.

Nancy Drew - "On Living Bravely" - I was at Moonbean Café the other day with a friend whose life is going really well. She just moved out of her parent’s house after living with them for three years while in school for naturopathic medicine. It was a grueling three years.

Heather Wood - I've read this story before - Much as I like to claim that I am only 29, I was actually born in the "Swinging Sixties"—that progressive era when it was perfectly acceptable to fire a woman just for being pregnant.

Pixie Says - Stand Up for Judy Blume -- and, while I have your attention, ask the Japanese government to ban video-game rape simulators - When I was 13, I was hauled up before the headmistress at my school because some of my friends' parents had found them reading my copy of Judy Blume's legendary novel Forever (with the *important* pages dog-eared, of course).

Romy Shiller - People seem to abhor ‘difference’ - I was so mad when Adam Lambert didn’t win American Idol (2009). It is just a TV show but it says a hell of a lot. He wears nail polish, eyeliner, some people say he is gay and he is called by the show a “glam rocker.”

Is the strike finally over?

I made a decision today to start doing something again that I promised myself I wouldn't. No, I'm not taking up smoking or eating meat again. Against my better judgment, I decided to... deep breath, wait for it... start dating again. Yikes. Is this a good idea? I guess I'm about to find out.

It's been a while since I've been on a date. I stopped dating early last summer. I decided to stop because after one horrendous misadventure after another, I had become discouraged with what options were available to me. I also found that I had stopped dating my 'type', simply because I thought that was the issue. After talking it out with a friend and thinking out loud A LOT over the last few days... it's not the 'type' that is the problem, it was the type of men I was dating.

I like artsy, edgy, tattooed, rock and roll loving, outgoing men. I use to date this type all the time and had a blast. One day, and I wish I new what the hell I was thinking, I decided I needed to start going on grown up dates, date men with 'good' jobs and a future. Grown up dates? 'Good' jobs? What the hell! Not to worry, it was just a phase and that phase is OVER.

In life we are drawn to certain things for a reason. They fit with our personalities and our lifestyles. I realized how much I missed the type of guy I use to date when I went with a friend to a ball... I was dressed to the nines, in pain due to my bling shoes, attempting to see if there were any potential, grown up men in the crowd... I looked around and all night long my line of vision kept going to the same person. My 'type' was there with his girlfriend, and every time I glanced over at him I got a pang of nostalgia. I went home, peeled off the terrible shoes I was wearing and made a promise that I was NEVER going to go against type again. I'm attracted to that kind of man for a reason. That reason is called 'having something in common'.

This girl is a horror loving, zombie knowing, writer, sucker for animals, who does too much for others and never asks for anything back. I like edgy boys with tattoos, was a punk rock, goth music loving, black wearing kid growing up, who never fit in. So why the hell am I trying to fit in with the wrong type of people now? I have a crowd of ghouls that I belong to and it's time that I get back to where I belong.

Yes, I am going to start dating again. I am going to go back to my picky ways, dating only my 'type'. This time around though, I am going to be tougher. I want to find someone who wants to be with me for who I am and not for what they can get from me. I maybe re-entering a world that I really didn't' like the first twenty times around, but at least it gives me great fodder, not to mention a creative outlet I can use in my stories.

I am about to dive back in again... wish me luck... I forgot to attach my safety rope... again...

addendum:
After much consideration, and lack of inspiration by what has been offered up to me of late, I'm back on strike. I know, I know, that sure didn't last long. It isn't due to impatience, it is due to all that is out there is the same ole, same ole all wanting the same things. I'm just not up for it and lack the energy to continually have to explain myself. So, it's just easier to say, 'I'm on strike, till conditions improve.' I just don't see the strike ending any time soon...

The Journey Begins

I am about to start two very different journeys, one involves a possible move and the other a four legged 10 year old fur ball. Both are going to be tough and likely expensive, but one won't stop the other from happening or vice versa.

Today my dogs vet confirmed that my little blondie boy indeed has Cushings. For those who are unfamiliar with the illness it affects humans, dogs and horses. Believe it or not, dogs and horses have many of the same illnesses as humans.

Cushing's disease (hyperadrenocorticism) is a condition that results from the chronic overproduction of too much glucocorticoid in the body. In the normal dog, the pituitary gland produces a hormone called ACTH, which stimulates the adrenal gland to produce the steroid hormone glucocorticoid necessary for the function of many systems in the body. If something goes wrong in the pituitary gland or adrenal gland and too much glucocorticoid is produced, then Cushing's disease develops. This is a very complicated disease with a wide range of symptoms and causes. This article will try to give a concise description of the disease, its symptoms, how it is diagnosed, and its treatment.

(for more info please go here

The little guy was subjected to a bunch of tests last week and this friday even more. A days worth actually. So far he hasn't shown any symptoms so I am hoping he is early enough into the disease that I won't yet have to subject him to hoards of meds. It also means I will have him around much longer!

This news, though it stresses me out and makes me really, really sad, isn't affecting my plans to potentially move to New York City. I am still continuing on. It won't make a difference if he is sick there or here. What matters is that he gets the best care I can possibly give him.

The thoughts of my 4 legged blondie being sick, makes me... ill to my stomach. He is adorable, loving, sweet and never complains. Every morning after my female dog mauls me while licking my face and demanding all my attention, he patiently waits, belly exposed to get his morning belly rub. How is it that such good dog ends up with such a shitty disease.

In his case, rather both my dogs cases, they have me. Many call me a sucker, but they don't understand the unconditional love of dogs. They call me sucker because to them dogs are dogs and who is insane enough to spend thousands of dollars on vet bills to keep them happy? Me that is who. On many occasions I make sacrifices if they need medical attention. They are my responsibility, when you become a pet owner you have made that unconditional promise to your four legged friend. Many choose another route, preferring to put their animals to sleep rather than care for a pet. I could never be that kind of a person.

When I was a teenager I was considering becoming a Veterinarian, but when I realized one of the responsibilities was to put down a sick animal, I deferred. I knew I would never have that in me.

I've started to do my homework, reading everything I can find on Cushings so I understand what is ahead and what signs to look for. This isn't going to be fun or easy but, my life has never been easy. I am constantly being tested, but like all the other tests I've passed with flying colours, this is just another that I will figure out all the answers to.

Two different journeys and one fearless journey woman! Let the adventures begin!

New York City Here I come?

For some time now I've been considering moving to New York City. It's been a dream of mine since I was a child. I've been living in Toronto since I was 18 and I feel that I want to spend the next phase of my life in The Big Apple. I know there are lots of recently transplanted Canadians out there and am hoping some of you would be willing to pass on to me information on what you had to do to move to the US. (Process/contacts etc)

The funny thing is when I tell people what I want to do they go on and on about how hard it will be for me. They never bring up the expense of moving, no their concern is I won't know anyone. When I moved to Toronto, I didn't know anyone then either. Being a loner, not knowing people doesn't worry me, eventually I will meet people. I think it takes a certain type of personality to be able to pick up and go and well, that would be me and considering everything that is going on in my life right now, it is definitely time for this girl to pick up and move her ass outta here!

May issue of Lipstik Indie

Hey Everyone! The May issue of Lipstik Indie is up!!! In this issue:

Our Featured artists is Bryan Byrne, reviewed by Nik Beat. Nik also reviews David Martel's I Hardly Knew Me.

Our newest reviewer Matt Gilbert Reviews the indie movie Homeland Insecurity.

Viki Ackland reviews Richie Bookers Shine the Light.

Laurie Roberts reviews ezines Xstream and EK's Writing Blog.

And I reviewed Devon 'The Split' Jones Spoken Word CD, Pleasure In Pain.

Fly on over to lipstikindie.com and enjoy!

Facebook, the finder of lost loves?

If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any farther than my own backyard because if it isn't there than I never really lost it ~ Dorothy, Wizard of Oz

Facebook isn't just for networking or finding old friends and relatives it seems. Apparently it is the hotspot for hunting down, er, I mean finding lost loves. In the last month I have heard the odd story about it, but this last week I've heard three via facebook friends. Their stories almost sound like something of fiction, but they are real true to life stories. (I am only posting two of the stories because two of the three were similiar) I know they aren't as heart wrenching as one would like, nor are they the never ending babble about the US or the swine flu, but once in a while hearing about a happy ending makes me think the world might be ok for a few moments.

The first story I heard this week was about a woman who was found by the first guy she ever dated. They are both now divorcees with children. He has never stopped thinking about her and one day he decided to search for her on facebook. Apparently it wasn't an easy task as she had changed her last name when she married, but through information from other friends, as well as looking up old school chums he was able to find her and now the rest is history.

Another started wondering what ever happened to her first love. They met the last year of high school, but he moved away. This was before the time of internet and texting so they ended up losing touch. (Yes I just heard a millions twenty year olds gasp and go, 'time before the internet and texting?', someone might have restart their hearts). She also went on the facebook hunt and found him. Neither had ever married, until now. They are now engaged and getting married this summer.

I myself have reconnected on facebook with someone I had a mad crush on when I was a teen. In my case, since we have started chatting again, he has found someone else. I of course am still the shy girl in many ways and never spoke up, again. My loss, and I guess in my case, it just isn't in the stars.

I am and always will be a true believer in fate. Things happen, when they happen for a reason. Last week I was back onto my path of not believing and not liking the human race very much, then these stories put a smile on my face. Believe it or not, I'm not always the cynical one. Sometimes I do believe in faerytale endings.

The new monthly issue is up at shebytches.com.

The new monthly issue is up at shebytches.com.

Please help us welcome new writer Heather Wood, returning writer Denise Haggerty and guest author Romy Shiller!

Here is what is in the issue!

Carolina's Bytch If you fight all the time, why do you stay together?

Right now I'm sitting here, TRYING to finish a short story. I have my music turned up and it's very loud, the soundtrack from Repo!

Denise Haggerty “Bad Manners: A 21st Century Epidemic for the "Awakened" Ones”.

I think that there are many people in this world lacking in good manners. The kind of manners taught once upon a time ago by our grandmothers and grandfathers.

Heather Wood Persons, eh?

This month's footage of brave Afghani women holding their largest rally since 1970, and being physically and verbally threatened just for standing up for the right not to have sex with one's husband, got me thinking that myself and other Canadian women shouldn't be so complacent about our own hard-won rights.

Romy Shiller Ogre-Drag

I’ve been thinking about the Shrek movies and Ogre-Drag. I really wanted the films to be innovative and different. To me, they were more of the same—worse because they pretended to “subvert” traditional fairy tales (Poniewozik 1).

Viki Ackland Today (a poem)

If you fight all the time, why do you stay together?

I'm sitting here, TRYING to finish a short story. I have my music turned up and it's very loud, and I am playing the soundtrack from Repo! The Genetic Opera. Normally I don't play music when I write, I prefer nothing going in the background, not even the T.V., as it distracts me, I have it on right now because the couple next door is fighting AGAIN! If you argue all the time, why do you stay together?

I am not trying to sound hypocritical here. I am guilty of this, I stayed in a relationship WAY too long with someone who did anything he could to antagonize me and start fights. However, I learned from this. I will never stay in a relationship if all I do is argue and struggle to keep things calm and me happy!

I keep going back and forth on whether or not to start dating again. I did the math and I haven't 'dated' for almost nine months. (dating meaning, dinners, movies, hanging out, meeting each others friends... dating). Every single time I hear next doors screaming matches, or remind myself of a few former friends tumultuous 'relationships' I take two steps back. Do I really want to get involved with someone again? Do I really want to take a chance that I am going to end up in another relationship that ends because of constant verbal sparring?

I am once again in hermit mode. Partly because I am desperately trying to get this book done and the other part is I don't know if I really want to put myself out there again. As every day goes by I am becoming less wanting of human companionship. I know this sounds strange, but every time I hear people who are suppose to be 'in love' screaming hurtful and sometimes abusive things at each other, I cringe? I also begin to wonder are all relationships like this? Is there anyone out there who really adore each other, never fight and are truly happy? If so I'm not seeing it. I guess I just don't understand, if you love someone, why do you have to fight with them? Shouldn't you be doing everything you can to make each other and yourselves happy?

If you are fighting, then you aren't happy and if you aren't happy, you shouldn't be together. Life is too short to be miserable and until someone steps up and proves me wrong. Proves to me that I can date and be in a relationship with out the fear of being back in the situation I was two years ago, then I am going to not date.

Where I stand

Today would have been day 20 of the 100 day 100% raw challenge. Yesterday I did a lot of thinking about where I am with the challenge and I have to say I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that even with the amount of time I'm putting into making sure I have awesome raw meals (and it is a lot of time), I'm not feeling happy with this. I've only lost 2.2lbs after 20 days and that confuses me. I've also come to realize that this is way too expensive (I am self employed and on a very tight budget). I know that last statement makes no sense. Healthy fruits and veggies should be inexpensive but they aren't. Sadly we live in a world of fast food and crap that is much cheaper to eat. I'm not going to start eating fast food and crap, no worries of that!

So, where does this leave me. I am going to still stay on a 80-90% raw diet. I had to admit to myself yesterday that part of my frustration is around the fact that I do like cooked food, I just need to be more selective about my choices.

Things that will remain out of my diet as much as possible are:
processed foods
soy
wheat/gluten
high fatty foods

Overall healthwise I do feel better, but emotionally this was a challenge. Though I am disappointed in myself, I did learn a lot at the same time.

Day 16 and frustrated as hell

Ok, I am on day 16 of the 100 day raw challenge. I am also working out as I am doing the challenge. Between the two of them, I should have lost weight, but I haven't. I am still stuck at the 2.2lbs I lost in the few days. Some might argue that if you are changing your diet up and not losing weight, it is because you don't need to. Well the thing here, is I need to. I need to lose 20lbs to be at my healthy weight, so why is it that all raw and advanced cardio work outs have me stopped at 2.2lbs? I am very very confused.

The weather and insomnia are also making this very difficult as well. The cold makes me crave soup and tea. Not sleeping makes me want to drink pots and pots of coffee. I need to get over this hump, so starting sunday am going to do the 3 day juice feast I was talking about.

I'm just glad I didn't pack away my winter things. Spring my arse!

Day 14 of the raw challenge

I'm day 14 into the Raw Challenge. I'm growing weary of rabbit food. But I've committed to this for so many reasons. My health being the most important. I need to start changing it up a bit. I've removed most of the dehydrated stuff from my diet, but am getting sick of salads. I am considering having a all juice/smoothie day at least once a week, to give myself a break.

Though the weather has turned to shit, my attitude is as dark. I've realized I've been down for too long and need to crawl out of the dark, dank hole. Talking to Becks this weekend also helped remind me that I am allowed to be sad once in a while, but I can't let it affect my life.

So, tomorrow I think I am doing an all day juice/smoothie day. It's also my day off from working out. Muscles I forgot are SORE! But that is good, it means I am using them again. Like being raw, I am always on the verge of giving up, but I can't and won't.

Now to make spring happen!

The April Issue of Lipstik Indie is ALIVE

Hey everyone, the April issue of Lipstik Indie (www.lipstikindie.com) is ALIVE. Check out all the amazing indie reviews:

Featured Review
You Never Know - a Memoir (Romy Stiller) Reviewed by Carolina Smart

Bands/Music
David Rynhart and Emily Weedon Reviewed by Nik Beat

Francis Reviewed by Tara Sales

Books
Naked Lens (Jack Sargeant) Reviewed by Carolina Smart

Comics
The Pistoleers (Dan Nokes) Reviewed by Cathy Petch

eZines
Katy Towell's Childrin R Skary Reviewed by Laura Roberts

Zombie Portraits Reviewed by James Dewar

One more thing that doesn't make sense

When you have too much time on your own, you do too much thinking. The last few days I have been trying to figure out why humans are the way they are. The more I think the more I understand why our society is so fucked up. But there is still one thing that bothers me. It always has.

Why do nice people get used and walked all over, yet assholes get what they want. Look around, it's true. People who are genuinely nice and have good hearts should be the ones that get what they want, yet as soon as an asshole steps up to plate... This makes no sense to me. I am not sure I will ever figure it out, so I've resigned myself to stop.

I am sitting here, listening to the rain outside, it's a legitimate excuse for me to stay in. I've been doing that a lot lately. It looks like I will be doing it a lot going forward as well. In many ways it is fine, I need to finish my first book of short stories, do taxes and work on other stuff. Financially it is better for my pocket book.

I'm not meaning to sound whiny here. Things have just been bugging me lately. More than they should be I suppose. I am also not complaining about sitting home. I do go out on my own. I've been a loner most of my life. The life of a lone gun not unfamiliar to me.

It's spring and soon summer and the warm weather should be making me feel happy and light, but it isn't. I think I just need a trip to the island, that always puts things into perspective. Since living in Toronto, I always wondered what it would be like to live over there. There is a calm creepiness about it. I imagine evenings the spookiest. A place that is perfect for me.

Back to the drawing board....

I think I need to go back to the drawing board, sorta.

I'm on day ten of the 100 day raw challenge and have so far only lost 2.2lbs. I'm a bit confused. Being on all raw I should have lost at least a total of 5 lbs by now. I think I figured out my issue. I'm likely eating too much fat. My original plan was to eat/drink mostly fresh juices and eat fully raw foods (meaning fruits, veggies and minimal nuts), however I have been eating a lot of dehydrated dishes, which contain quite a bit of nuts. My green smoothie already has avocado in it, that alone has a tonne of fat. I also think that dehydrated foods can be high in calories. My goal here isn't to lose weight but to make my body as healthy as possible. Too much fat, even though it is considered good fat, is still bad. So... starting today am cutting out the dehydrated stuff and in a few weeks will allow a bit back in to my diet. On Sunday am going to do another 3 day juice feast to hopefully get me back on track!

I am going to work out, shower and go on a long walk. I need air and a break from being inside. I think that my foul mood of the last few weeks is partly due to spending too much time thinking. Most of which has been thinking about the current status of my life. Though I am working as hard as I can to be a full time writer, living ones dream is apparently not enough for happiness. There are so many other aspects of my life that feel unfulfilled and as hard as I may try, I can't seem to do anything about them. Once I get my taxes done (another HUGE stress right now) I am going to dedicate time again to looking into moving to NYC. I need a change of environment. It may take while before I can move there. But I think that is going to be the next phase in my life. My family doesn't like the idea, they say it is too far away, but really it is just a ten hour car ride and a great way for them to make an excuse for a road trip. I'm single and my only responsibilities, beside credit card debt, are my two furry companions. They are bonafide city dogs and as long as they are with me I don't think they really care if it is Toronto or NYC.

I need to shake myself out of this darkness. Maybe some sunshine will help, maybe that isn't the solution. Like always, I will figure it out.

Day 9 of the fast Day 2 of being held hostage by Purolator...

I am now on day 9 of my raw challenge. It was almost a literal challenge as yesterday I sat in my apartment all day waiting for Purolator to deliver my new cell phone. My old phone has almost completely died and a new one is on the way. According to the evil delivery service I was suppose to have it in my hot little hands yesterday... by 5:15 pm my patience had run thin and upon calling them, the box had returned to the depot and they couldn't find a reason why in their system as to why I was missed. They of course 'assured me' that they would 'try', yes she said try, to deliver it to me today. So here I sit, a second day, not holding my breath.

I'm on day 9 of the raw challenge, but am a bit confused. I should have lost a bit more weight by now, but am still at 2.2lbs only. I am wondering if I am eating too much fat. As a snack I've had a handful of nuts, have avocado in my green smoothie at lunch and the dehydrated stuff does have quite a bit of nuts in it. I am going to cut back on that and instead of having nuts for a snack will chop up some carrots instead. I am relearning all raw so will make adjustments as I go. I am also upping my works starting today. I understand how the new program works now so am going to start at the 30 minute level and work up from there.

Yesterday I had to make changes on my profile on Facebook. Apparently if you are a woman and you have single on your profile, it is open season. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not opposed to the idea of dating, as a matter of a fact I am very open to the idea, what I don't appreciate is the types of, let's say 'propositions' I've been getting or the hostility I receive when I say thank you but I'm not interested. With certain things I am still old fashioned, I need manners and polite interaction and oh.. flowers. I am fully convinced the whole notion of properly courting someone has vanished and that makes me very sad. Chivalry shouldn't be dead. Trust me more bees with honey.

Mmmmmm food!

Yup, dinner!

Curry falafels, mango salsa and salad with the juice from the mango salsa! All raw! The only thing is I likely reek of garlic. Everything I make seems to have quite a bit in it... hmmm. I guess that is really only an issue if I was to go on a date... ha ha ha.

Shebytches new issues is live!

We are back from hiatus and will resume publishing the last Monday of every month :)

We are also always looking for new women writers for the site. If you have edge and have something to say, get in touch with us :)

WHAT'S NEW

Pixie Says Worth Less = Worthless

That's not what I believe. Of course. But it's hard not to draw that conclusion from today's newspapers in the UK.

snadzmatazz Today I almost quit.

Viki Ackland Online vs Reality

It is funny how some people have their own personalities online, which appear to be the opposite of their real lives.

Day 7 and 93 more to go!

I'm on day 7 of the 100 day raw fast! From here on in I may not post every day but at least a few times a week. Just to show my progress. I'm afraid if I post daily they will be the same boring repeats. I don't ever want to bore anyone. It's another dreary day out and a bit cold! I was considering a walk but, am going to stay in work out, write and read. Hurry UP spring!

One great thing about raw is it cleans you out! I am going to have the cleanest colon in town!!! People don't like talking about poo, but it is a big part of our bodies! So there!

Weight today = no change (I would think I'd have lost a bit again and am a bit, hmmmm, need to figure out what's going on)
total lost = 2.2lbs

I'm also LOVING my wii. I found in the used bin at a games store a copy of My Personal Fitness trainer. I was getting a bit bored with the wii Fit program. I'd reached all the highest levels and needed something else to challenge me. This program really is!!! I have only been doing the 15 minute work outs because I needed to figure out how it worked. Starting Wednesday (the program has a schedule for me and tomorrow is my off day) I am pushing it up to 30 minutes.

I'm really craving coffee today. In a I can't sit still and I want to go make some now way! I have to keep talking myself out of it!

Raw Food I've been eating

I meant to post last nights dinner yesterday, but will do that now along with tonights dinner.

last night was a monster salad, with a raw curry falafel and raw faux bacon crumbled on top, with sunflower sprouts, broccoli sprouts, onion and mushroom on baby spinach. The dressing is tahini. Dessert was raw apple cookies.



Tonight's dinners is a raw BLT. I dehydrated onion bread and faux raw bacon and made raw mayo. The salad is spinich with tahini dressing, tomatoes and mushrooms. And tonight's dessert is raw apple cookies! This is how I've been eating for the last 6 days and will be for the next 94. It looks like a lot of work but if you dehydrate a bunch of stuff one day a week, it will last for a week or so.

Day 6 I hate rain but it's better than snow

I wanted to go for a long walk today. I am needing to get a lot of work done but when writing it helps clear my head. I've been in a crappy mood for over a week now. Not because of the fast or change in diet, but for many other reasons. I've been pretending to be in a good mood, but realized it isn't doing me any good. One of the things is I'm loosing patience with humans. I wish people would see me for who I am instead of what they can get from me. By fasting and doing the raw challenge I am physically removing negative things from my body and need to be more vigilant in doing the same with people.

A few months ago I started purging people that were treating me in a negative way. To be effective though I need to keep all negative aspects out. This is a very daunting task but one that needs to be done. I do all these things to keep my body healthy but I'm not working hard enough to keep my mind and spirit healthy and that needs to be an equal priority to a healthy body.

I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed. I love dreary days, I know that sounds strange, but it puts me in the right mood for writing. What I want right now is a kick ass thunderstorm.

Day 6 I do feel physically good. I am going to resume working out tomorrow though am likely going to do yoga tonight. I am still browsing recipes, as I don't want to ever get bored with what I'm eating. I've dehydrated all the ingredients for a raw vegan BLT and am going to have that and salad for dinner :)

weight loss today - no change (I know that the loss will take time and the initial 2.2lbs was from the fast. I remember the first time I did raw it took about a week for my body to adjust and once it did I started losing weight)

total weight loss = -2.2lbs

Day 5 and fight with another ritual

It is Saturday morning. My normal ritual is to sit with a cup of coffee and read through the paper. This will be the first Saturday in a long time that I will be reading the paper with out one. Instead I am going to pour a green smoothie into a large coffee cup and read the Sunday funnies.

Every day I'm trying something new, to keep it interesting. Today I started adding beat to my juice. Damn it was yummy! Last night I had dehydrated apple cookies that I made. I also just dehydrated raw veggie bacon and once the onion bread is done I want to try a raw blt. The only thing is I may have made the onion bread too thin :(. It is easy enough to make another batch.

After I finish my paper, I'm going out for a walk. It's a gorgeous day out!!!

Weight loss today - no change
Total - -2.2lbs

Day 4 here I come!

The sun is out, I woke up with out a head ache and did I mention the sun is out! It actually felt like spring this morning when I took the pups out for their morning walk.

One thing fasting does to me is it makes me do a lot of thinking. Maybe even too much and I tend to have a lot of very odd dreams. I had one about my ex last night. He is french Canadian (in real life) and in the dream was berating me in french. I woke up feeling bad this morning, as if I had been scolded for real. The relationship itself ended badly and he is one of the main reasons I have little trust in men these days. What is it they say about one bad apple.

Moving on...

Today I get to have food!!! I am not going over board though, I am starting off with juice, then a bowl of fruit. My lunch will likely be a smoothie and some nuts and dried fruit. And dinner a large salad. I may stick with this menu for a few days, then gradually add in different things for dinner. I was going to resume working out today, but I think I will wait one more day. I'm just coming off the fast and don't want to push it.

It is suppose to be up to 11 degrees today. I am hoping that is stays warm, later I am taking my dog to the veg for yet another check up on his eye. I am sure he is getting sick of the vet. I know my credit card is!

Weight lost today .4
Total weight lost = -2.2

Day 3 of everything

Today is the final day of the fast and day 3 of the 100 day raw challenge. I feel MUCH better this morning as the headache is GONE! Though the cause of it was caffeine, I miss my morning coffee ritual. I almost poured my juice into my bodum so I could pour it into a coffee mug! I think it isn't the same exactly but... While my energy is high I am going to shower and go to the fruit market and buy all the food I will need for the next few days. To keep costs down, starting next week I will be starting my weekly trip to Chinatown to by my produce. It is way cheaper than regular stores, not to mention the variety!!!

I know I am sounding like a broken record, but it frustrates me that healthy food, such as fruits and veggies are so much more expensive than processed crap. The government is doing all this research as to why the obesity rate is so high! That would be one of the big factors! Why not make potato chips and cola super expensive and fruit and veggies inexpensive. Rather than dish out so much money to the tobacco industry give free financial aid to farmers! Our society is so incredibly backwards.

Yes I've been doing a LOT of thinking these last few days.

today's weigh in -1.1lbs
Total weight loss = -1.8lbs

Day 2 is almost done!

I am almost finished Day 2. I have low energy and took another nap this afternoon. I seem to have a burst of energy right now though!!!

Tomorrow I am going to go grocery shopping and buy tonnes of salad stuff and stuff to make raw apple cookies! I am craving them right now!!!

I am thinking I am not drinking enough juice right now. That would explain my low energy. I am considering juice feasting after the 100 Day Raw challenge is done, but need to do more research. I need to understand how to get past feeling like I have no energy. Once I understand that I will attempt it.

Day 2... can I make it to day 3!

It is day two of my juice fast! I am actually feeling a lot better today, though still have a bit of the headache. Once I got up and moving around it seemed to help as well. I did sleep in though. It's odd though, I am bombarding my body with vitamins and minerals and tonnes of other great things, yet yesterday, I had a hard time. When I've done the Master Cleanse it was not that difficult and like the Master Cleanse I psyched myself up for the fast.

So far I have raw nut loaf and raw tortilla's dehydrated and I have raw falafels in the dehydrator. I wanted to have a couple other things started but am not sure what. I'm considering raw onion bread and need to make up some seed cheese. This way I have lots of things handy. My plan is to do all my hydrating every Sunday for the week. Saturday's I will try to do all my shopping. Though I will eventually just make my own, I also have a box of Larabars in my cupboard. When I am out, and so I don't cheat, I keep those in my bag along with a large container of water, fruit and a bag of nuts/dried fruit.

100 days may seem like a long time, but realistically I plan to be raw after that, just not as strict. I figure if I am 90% raw that allows for times when it isn't possible to have everything raw on my plate, like when eating out or at someone elses home. It is difficult enough trying to make people understand being Vegan and how I eat, Raw is sadly even harder. There have been many times that I've sat and eaten carrot sticks for dinner because they don't have anything to make a salad with. What I don't understand is how do you not have a head of lettuce in your house.

I often find myself, when in a grocery store, looking in other peoples carts. Especially when at check out. I am saddened by the amount of processed food is in peoples carts. It also bothers me that it is cheaper to buy junk food than fresh fruits and veggies. Why is that. Shouldn't the government be pushing to ensure we eat more fresh foods?


Weight lost = .7lbs

End of Day 1

Wow! I have had the worst caffeine withdrawal headache ever! I've done the Master Cleanse several times and don't recall having one this bad. I actually had to take a nap this after noon. I am feeling a bit better right now, but OYE my head!

Today I had 2 large glasses of Juice (1 was apple/carrot/pear/ginger, the other was strawberry/blackberry/ginger/pineapple) and 3 large glasses of green smoothie (2 bananas/1 avocado/1 bunch of spinach and water to your preferred thickness).

Tomorrow I will likely have the same but I think I need to have a bit more fruit juices.

Day 1 is done! 2 more to go :)

The First Robin and The First Day

Today is day 1 of my 100 day raw challenge. While walking the dogs I saw my first Robin. I think this is a sign that spring is really here and today is a great day to start. I am starting off with a 3 day juice feast. I will be drinking nothing but fresh juice and green smoothies. Of course leave it to me to wake up starving!

I shouldn't be hungry. I feasted at my friend Cathy's so really I shouldn't be this hungry already, but it may very be psychological. I am going to attempt to blog about is as much as possible, as well as take as many pictures of the things I am eating. Currently I have sunflower seeds and broccoli seeds sprouting for my yummy salads and chick peas sprouting for raw falafels I am hoping to start dehydrating today.

I also need to do this and stay within my budget as well. With raw there are tonnes of raw pre-made products out there. I am going to stay away from those and stick to mostly fresh fruit and veggies. Fortunately with spring and summer there will be a nice variety of both. I also need to cut back on raw nuts. They are incredibly expensive and I have decided I will use them minimally.


Juice and Smoothies Before...



After:

100 Day Raw Challenge

Tomorrow, Tuesday, March 24th, I'm starting a 100 Day Raw Challenge. The official end to the Challenge will be July 1st. Over the last couple years I've started to really clue to how my body works. I think this all happened when I hit 40. I know to lose weight, no carbs and I need to do lots of cardio. I've discovered I can't eat gluten and certain foods trigger migraines. The biggest thing I discovered is I need to be on a raw food diet.

About 2 years ago I was for six plus months. I lost weight, my skin glowed and I had never felt more energetic. I was even almost down to my goal of a size 8. Then I had some major life changes happen, I injured my knee etc, and I fell completely off Raw. I tried unsuccessfully to go back on a Raw diet in January, I am up to about 75%. It was just bad timing, being winter and a crappy one at that, I needed warm food in my belly. But now. Now I am fully ready. Now I am ready to start bombarding my body with goodness.

This isn't just a food journey, this is a whole lotta other stuff going on as well. But this is a great start!!! I've been doing a tonne of research, pulled out my Raw books. I've discovered there is a farmers market a 20 minute walk from here that is open every Saturday morning. I have pulled out my dehydrator and have chosen Sundays to be my day to dehydrate things for the week. I'm a scheduler and list person and having todo's on a calendar will also help me on this renewed journey.

Other things I am going to start doing again, and how I've missed them, is adding Yoga back into my work outs. Yoga always destressed me!

I am excited about tomorrow and the next 100 days!

Mmm Rabbit Food!

It begins again!

About a year ago, I fell off the raw wagon. I was doing ok up till then, I wasn't 100% raw but was still hanging in at around 80 %. Then I had a few major changes happen. The last two years have been about major changes. And because of this I stopped being as dedicated to raw. To top it all off, early last spring I injured my knee and couldn't walk properly for almost 3 months. It took about 9 months before I could start exercising again. A combination of my addiction to carbs and sitting on my ass, I gained 20 some pounds.

Weight gain has made me feel gross, bloated and unattractive. I'm not going back to a raw vegan diet for the weight loss, it is a benefit. I am returning to the raw lifestyle because when I was on it before, I had felt healthy, energetic and alive! Though it can be a bit of work preparing some of the dishes, it was well worth it for me. I lost weight, cellulite was almost non existent, my skin glowed and I never felt tired. When people around me where getting sick with the flu or colds I was as healthy as an Ox. The benefits are well worth the work.

Starting Tuesday, I am moving back to a raw diet. From then till April 30th, I will stick to 100% as a way of detoxing my body, then May 1st will stick to a 90% raw diet. I had originally tried to do this starting January 1st but failed. I think it was because it was still winter and my body was craving warm foods. That and I wasn't in the proper mind set. I am now and can't wait. I am starting myself off with a 3 day juice cleanse, then right into the rabbit food as so many others call it!

I just looked at Rorschach and saw one of the few good things of a 3 hour movie...

Hmmm. Does hype around a movie make you want to see it or wait for the DVD? As a general rule of thumb if a movie is being hyped as one of the best movies in decades, it usually sucks. Best parts in the trailers yada yada. I had my fingers crossed that Watchmen was going to be beyond that. It has been getting some pretty ok reviews and many friends and raving about it. Tonight, well, the rule of thumb seems to have applied.

Years ago I read the graphic novel and thought to myself, 'This might make a pretty awesome movie.' I may have said that out loud and, I apologize. Don't get me wrong, am sure some comic book frea... fanatics will be all over me here. It wasn't entirely bad. The special affects were well done and graphically it was pleasing to the eye. And Rorschach, Rorschach was brilliantly played by Jackie Earle Haley. Of course once I got past my Bad News Bears moment, I saw the brilliance in his performance. However, this movie was way too long in the tooth, by about an hour. So much didn't need to be there. I found myself at the 2 hour point thinking, is this over yet? And not because I needed to take a washroom break, I was at that point honestly hoping for the Russians to send off their nuclear bombs. Oops! I'm speaking out loud again.

If you are a fan of the graphic novel, I am sure it is worth your hard earned cashola to go see it. I do admit, it is one of those, have to see it on the big screen type movies, but if you can hold out, in about 3 months it will be on DVD and in about 4 months, you will be able to go to a BMV and buy a used copy. I strongly suggest if you are wanting to see a spring movie, save your pennies for Terminator Salvation and please excuse my placing hype on it.

The March issue of Lipstik Indie is up!

Hey all, the new issue of Lipstik Indie (www.lipstikindie.com) is up and alive! Our featured artist for the the month of March is the all girl band Fidgit!

Also included in the new issue are:

Bands - The Black Atlantic, (reviewed by Viki Ackland)

Books - Reproduce and Revolt edited by Josh MacPhee and Favianna Rodriguez (reviewed by Carolina Smart), Nothing To Lose by Steve Vernon (reviewed by Carolina Smart)

DIY/Indie Online Stores - Pretty Raccoon Clothing (reviewed by Laura Roberts)

Graphic Novel - Bad Habits by Cristy C. Road (reviewed by Cathy Petch)

Movies - Dreamscape by Daniel J. Fox (reviewed by Cathy Petch)

Zines - Above Ground Press (reviewed by Devon Jones)

1, 2, 3 pause, 5, 6, 7 pause

I'm going on an adventure. It's called Salsa dancing!!! For the last year Rebecca has been suggesting that we go Salsa dancing on regular outings. It's a lot of fun, a great way to meet people and an amazing work out. Only problem is.. I'm an uncoordinated klutz when it comes to that kinda stuff.

Earlier today I had a quick lesson from Katie, a lover of the dance! It seemed simple enough, though I was still tripping over my feet when she was showing me. When I got home I downloaded 3 videos from Youtube.com showing me the basic steps. I was even practicing them tonight. I think I have the basic steps down, god help me if they spin me or if someone actually wants to dance with me..... oye! Though I think I have it figured out, I look like a rhythmless goof ball doing it. The funny thing is, when just dancing around to Salsa music and not doing the steps, I'm fine, but the second I started doing the 1, 2, 3, pause, I was tripping over my feet. My dogs were looking at me like I was insane!!! But I'm not going to give up! My love of latin music and latin men will keep me going :)

Tomorrow, I will continue with my practicing, Saturday will be the real test. The place we are going to has Salsa lessons from 8:30 on. Here's hoping I don't fall down! Being the optimist, by the time summer rolls around, I am determined to be an expert!!!

I hate being left in the dark...

Currently they are doing repairs to our balconies, and for our privacy we were advised to keep all of our curtains closed. For those who have seen my apartment, I have these huge, lovely windows and each day tonnes of light comes in. I've only had the curtains closed for a few hours and am realizing how much I NEED the sunlight!!! I want to go and rip open my curtains, the only issue is the workers are right outside my balcony as I type this. My boy dog has suddenly become over protective of me and if he sees people out there he will likely go apeshit!

I will have to go out for a walk before I start writing or I will end up completely ansty! Not being able to let the light in has made me realize I need sunlight in every aspect of my life. When I do look into the future, which isn't very often, I can tell if something is going to happen or not, simply by the ability to see bright lights. It's something I've done all my life and will continue to do so. Recently I've had to do the same with people. Once I stepped back and I allowed them to come in the light, I haven't been liking what I'm seeing. As a matter of fact, I'm not seeing any light at all.

When I start thinking positive about stuff, good things happen. When I'm negative they don't. When I have positive people in my life positive things happen, when I have negative people, negative things happens. For some reason, I continually attract negative people, maybe they are drawn to my positive attitude, who knows. What I've realized in the last few days is the moment I see any negativity in people I need to cut them loose. It doesn't make me feel good to be around them. Since I've stepped away from negative aspects of my life, lots of good things are happening and I know as long as I keep the darkness out of my life, it will continue to do so.

Sometimes we give away too much.

Today I had a conversation with a good friend, a best friend. She said some things to me that stung a little, but truthful things she only said because she cares about me. She told me that I give too much of myself away to people who don't deserve it and when I don't get the same reciprocated back, I silently act out. Under no terms did she say I was a door mat, rather a mothering type who is always looking out for the other guy, yet always going over the top.

I fought with myself to disagree with her, but, I couldn't. She was correct and that is what stung. She was painfully right, I give too much of myself to others, they rarely give back and I need to learn how to stop. I need to start saying no, start being selfish and if they don't give back I need to not continue on. I need to stop being nice, I need to learn to walk away.

Since I was a kid I've always looked after everyone. As an adult, though not wanting children, am the mothering type. Everyone comes to me when in need, having questions or, needing to get things done. I am the dependable, responsible one, the one that will get the job done, the sacrificial lamb. I've sacrificed and given without question, putting others first, over and over again.

Today, was an awakening. Today I realized that if I am EVER going to be able to make Carolina happy or get ahead in my life, I need to stop. I need to take myself off the offering table. I need to stop giving myself away.

something to really celebrate!!!

Some buildings don't have a 13th floor, my calendars don't have a Feb 14th on them. All today is, is a greeting card holiday, consumerism at it's best! The sad thing is a very, very small percentile of people actually know what the true story of St. Valentine really is. What I really don't get about today is why do you need one day out of the entire year, set aside to celebrate your love for someone? Shouldn't you be doing that every single day. And why is today just reserved for couples? Single people need to be appreciated as well, yet....

When you are single on February 14th, you suddenly become invisible to all of your coupled up friends. The only people who remember you are your girlfriends, the same girlfriends who are just as equally invisible today. No, I'm not some bitter single woman, jealous of couples, I LOVE being single. The thing is, I've never celebrated today due to it's sole purpose of ridiculousness. If today is all about love shouldn't it be celebrated every day and not just because you are a couple.

Today, I woke up to two adorable dogs kissing me and snuggling up to me. I then had the only people who matter in my life tell me that I was special to them, I will spend my day writing, going for a long walk, taking myself out for dinner, coming home, watching My Bloody Valentine, drink wine and crawl back into bed with my dogs. But I have been thinking long and hard about today, why isn't there a day to celebrate those of us who have fully embraced being single. So I am proposing something and not just an Anti-Valentines Day, day. We should start a day that lets single people embrace being single, the ability to show the world that they can proudly say, 'Today I am celebrating I'm not in a shitty relationship day.' or 'I don't have to put on a fake smile to make everyone think I'm happy day, day.' or 'Yes I'm single and proud of it day.' Ok, I need a little help with an actual title for the day, but... you all get it.

We have 'Days' for everything else, so why not a day for proud, independent, single people? We are the ones who deserve it!!!

cravings and cabin fever...

About every six months or so, I get this wicked urge to go to NYC. I haven't been there in a few years and miss it! It's not just a craving to visit though, since I can remember I have dreamed of living there, writing and enjoy all that amazing city has to offer. On schedule as with every other six months, I start watching movies that are based in the city, start perusing availability of apartments and checking for seat sales. About a year ago I was seriously looking into how I could move there and live as a working writer, paper work was partially filled out and plans were being made.

Why didn't I continue? A friend talked me out of it. Now I realize it was for her own selfish reasons, but none the less it worked, I put all the papers aside and continued on with my life in Toronto. Suddenly, here I am again, wanting. I'm not sure if it is cabin fever, or spring fever for that fact, or that every time I flip a channel or pick up a magazine I have NYC in my face, but I'm itching for that city. Right now I am also feeling very nostalgic, my cousin and I use to go all the time when I was in my twenties, without even a second consideration, we would both grab a few necessities and book the first plane out. We would spend long weekends wandering the streets of Manhattan, planning what building we would live in, what fashion houses she would work for and what magazines I would write for.

I've been asked three times in the last 6 months to go to NYC for a visit. I've turned all offers down, because deep down inside I know that if I go right now, I will find a way not to return to Toronto. I wish I could explain this need. A good majority of people don't understand why I would ever even consider moving to the US, let alone New York, but, there are the rare few who do. I for years didn't understand it myself, but apparently it is like a virus, once you've been bitten you just can't shake it. Someone suggested that if I lived there for a short period of time I would get rid of this infatuation and be able to move on, but somehow, I don't think I will. According to others who have the same 'virus' so to speak that I do, once it is in your blood, it is for good!

So, what am I going to do about this 'fever' I am having right now. Temporarily I will fulfill my needs with magazines, dvd's and websites. I will continue to price out shoebox sized apartments in Manhattan, and well, this time I think I am going to plan a weekend away. Spring in Manhattan is almost as wonderful as looking at the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Square. I'm afraid that this time my craving won't be one I can hold back. I just hope when I land at JFK... I am able to find my way back here.

What's Happening???

Have you ever watched a movie and been so affected by it, it was on your mind the next day? I have, and ordinarily it is because it affected me in a positive way or scared the shit out of me (which is really hard to do).

I watched The Happening last night and I've been thinking about it a lot today. In this case, it isn't a good thing. Right now, all I can say is M. Night Shyamalan, shame on you! You took what was a brilliant idea for a story and instead made a craptastic movie.

I am normally a huge M. Night fan. HUGE! But what the hell is up with this dud! It was as if, he only had an idea (mother nature is pissed and taking revenge), but had no real script. Is it just me or did it feel like the actors were basically told to go walk around some fields and just ad lib conversation and for good measure scream once in a while...

I am in general strongly opposed to remakes, for The Happening I will make a consideration. This could have been one hell of a terrifying movie. Mother Nature is an unstoppable force, how frightening to think she could unleash such chaos. There was so much that could have been done with this movie, yet....

If someone wants to finance me, I'd be more than happy to make this into a movie that deserves my praise.

M. Night... GOOD NITE!

Broken Pencil Issue 42

Hey all, Broken Pencil Issue 42 is out and on newsstands, you should go buy it and not just because some of my reviews are in it! Ok, because my reviews are in it (Hymn California and On Tenterhooks)!

:)

January 26, 2009, New issue of Lipstik Indie

Hey all! The new issue of Lipstik Indie is now online and it is the biggest issue yet! www.lipstikindie.com

This months issue's main feature is the Redemption Roadshow by Weston Ochse. Other reviews included in this issue are:

Bands - So Many Wizards

Books - From Clarissa by Mike Page and Night Has Fallen by Shawn Parker

Online Comics - A Softer Wold and Tiny Ghosts

Online Store - Cry Wolf

Music - Curious


We are also welcoming our latest reviewer Laura Roberts and she will be reviewing e-Zines and online stores.

Laura is the author of the sex column "V for Vixen" at Hour.ca, as well as the Editor-in-Chief of Black Heart Magazine (blackheartmagazine.com). She currently lives in Montreal and is at work on her first novel, which may or may not be entitled Blowjobs for the Soul.

What if Edison gave up?

The last two weeks have been the busiest two weeks I've experienced in a very long time. They have also been the most stressful. You see, I'm a writer, trying to get freelance work to help support myself while writing my books. The last two weeks have been researching, updating and sending out my resume. I made a promise to myself to send a few out every day and I have been. Due to our economy I am worried that I won't find enough work to keep me afloat. Stress has led to depression, depression led to a panic attack.

I keep everything to myself that relates to money matters. Pride never allows me to ask for help, plus in a crunch I always figure out a way. I will this time as well, I know I will. Part of what I've been struggling with is I know I am going to have to start temping to help pay for rent and bills. Temping is brilliant, you work when and where you want, allowing me time to still write at the rate I have been, but pride is keeping me from doing it. This has been stressing me out so much that I recently asked a friend, who is in the industry, if I could talk to him, find out how he got to the place he is now, a published author and editor who does both full time and lives comfortably doing so. It was the best four hours I've spent in a long time.

It just so happens that two years ago my friend was in the same spot I am now. Struggling to make ends me, looking for work, trying to get a book done and depressed as hell. Many of his friends did not understanding his desire and passion to live out his dream and pride so strong he didn't want to take part time jobs to support himself, but worst of all friends continually telling him that he would never succeed as a writer, simply because they didn't. When he finished telling me this, he asked, 'sound familiar?' What he had to say to me didn't end there.

He asked me what I had been doing all year. I told him and though harsh, his words to me were the kick in the ass I needed. He told me that I'm a talented writer, but I'm not trying hard enough. He gave me a list of things to do and words of wisdom on how to succeed. I've written everything he said to me out and pasted it beside my computer. I bolded and capitalized two very important things he said to me. One is at the top of my list, the other at the bottom:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT LETTING OTHERS DOWN, WORRY ABOUT LETTING YOURSELF DOWN

and

EAT, SLEEP, BREATH WHAT YOU WRITE!!! STICK TO YOUR GOALS AND NEVER LET THE NEGATIVE VOICES STOP YOU.

As I said it was a four hour conversation. At first I walked away taking in everything he had said to me and tried to make sense of it all. Sadly, later in the day, I had someone throw incredibly negative words at me, I came home, had a melt down and then almost threw in the towel. I didn't, because these words kept resonating in my head over and over again. What if Thomas Edison gave up? People told him over and over again that his ideas were foolish, that he was setting himself up for a huge failure and disappointment. What if Edison listened to all those negative naysayers... well, you'd likely still be reading by candle light. Ya, I know, sounds a little extreme, but that man is the reason for many of today's innovations and proof that following ones dreams are not foolish.

Am I hungry enough, determined enough? I am! I've dreamed of this my entire life and in the past have let too many negative, bitter people interfere with my progress. I'm not going to allow that any longer. Today I started from scratch, I have a schedule and list beside me and I'm not only sticking to that, I am sticking to my dreams, naysayers be damned.

The Incredible Snoring Dog

For a very long time I have told people that my boy dog snores like an old man. No one believed me and only a few people have ever witnessed this event. Recently Janis had to endure the snorathon on New Years Eve.

I keep trying to capture him snoring on video for quite some time now and I am either not near the camera or can't get it on fast enough... last night I was able to... FINALLY!!!

So... for your enjoyment... without further adieu... The Incredible Snoring Dog...