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Every once in a while, after a shitty week, I will say I want a 'do over'. After the week I had... I want a 'never happen again' week. A combination of a health scare and a person showing their true colours to me, had me feeling incredibly low. When I start feeling sad and depressed, I tend to over think everything, this time around though, it put me in the headset that had me thinking hard about my future. We are only allowed a short period of time on this large rock and I'm not using my time wisely! Circumstances or people are usually around to remind me of this.
I stood back and took inventory of all the things I was doing to waste time. When I sat down and figured it out, I felt ill that I had been wasting hours of my time on Facebook. Hours that should be spent researching and writing, or having a life. I think everyone should do the same, take a look at how much time you are wasting on this 'social media'. It's not social at all, in fact it is turning us into a bunch of addicted hermits.
Every once in a while I am reminded by my peers that I'm good at what I do. In the midst of my hell week, I was once again reminded that I need get my arse moving and dedicate myself to my passion and love, I need to put my blinders on and finish my manuscripts. Having a potentially serious health issue come up made me realize I haven't been working hard enough and am slowly letting my dream slip away. Distractions such as people, who don't deserve to be in my life and facebook are the biggest of the two. So... I quit both cold turkey.
Wait, let me back up a bit. I didn't quit everyone, just someone who showed me who they really were. I spend way too much of my time trying to please others and never having them reciprocate, this can no longer happen. There was a point in my life where I wouldn't stand for anyone's bullshit. At some point in the last several years, I felt like I needed to be 'nicer', that I needed people to 'accept me'. I hate that person. I hate that I let others come first. I hate that I lost that girl who didn't give a shit if she pushed ahead in the line. I can't be that person any longer especially if I want to achieve these goals that I've set out for myself. I use to have balls and after some digging, I've found them again.
Though hard, quitting certain people and facebook is exactly what I needed to do to get back on track. Though the benefits of facebook (networking and knowing what events are going on) will be missed, I need to step away from it and having negative people in my life... only drags me down.
I never want to repeat last week ever again and if I stick to the new plan, I never will!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
New issue of lipstikindie.com
The new issue of http://www.lipstikindie is live with reviews on designers/artists; Vapidus Designs and Designer Metal Taboo, Music reviews for Ben Rusch, Dan Web, Athena Reich, book reviews for, Temporary Monsters by Ian Rogers, Dirty Little Angels by Chris Tusa and comic book reviews for The Middle Man by Javier Grillo-Marxuach and Hans Beimler and The Return of King Doug by Greg Erb and Jason Oremland.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
She kicks me in the pants right when I need it!
I've been working on a script idea, off and on for the last 6 months. Recently I realized my original idea needed a major overhaul and the last week I've been working through what needs to be changed. I've spend a good part of today working on it and got stalled... I've been trying to figure the direction of the main character. Something or someone is missing. Out of nowhere, this amazing 90 year old spitfire with a thick Scottish accent appeared. I'm now once again moving forward.
This isn't the kick in the pants that the title of this blog entry alludes to. This was just much needed help....
For months I've been making progress and moving back up the hill to actually being happy again. It's been a very steep, very slippery slope! I am almost at the top... then somewhere around 3 am this morning, I heard the demons in my head whispering again and well.... I started sliding backward. When I do this, I usually end up hermiting myself and move back into the world of writing. I don't have to deal with real people when I am there. So, out comes the script.
That's not the only thing that came out! I smiled when I thought of this tiny, 90 year old woman telling off the main character. Deja Vu, familiar territory. Grandma Betty?
This woman took no guff from anyone, she was tough, independent, raised many, many children on her own and laughed, a lot. When I was 13 she met up with me one day as I was walking home from school. I didn't see her at first and she was right beside me before I even noticed. I had spent another day being tormented by girls in school, ostracized for not fitting in. She caught me off guard, caught me crying.
I went through Hell in high school. A Hell, I until recently haven't shared with very many people. That day I did end up sharing it with Grandma Betty, she listened and when I was done, looked at me, told me to blow my nose and said these words that, till this day I can still hear loud and clear. 'Why do you care what they think?' Every time I would try to answer she would stop me and repeat, 'Why do you care what they think?' Why did I care? This woman had lived through emigrating from Scotland to Canada, poverty, raising 13 children on her own and took care of herself for most of her life. I was 13 and crying over words. Yes mean words, but just words. These words and the talk with her that afternoon gave me the ability to deal with what I was going through and her strength has helped me become the woman I am today.
She isn't with us in body any longer. She hasn't been for many years, but let me tell you, she swings back in just when you need it. Today was one of those days. I've been fighting with myself not to let one specific aspect of my life get to me any longer, but somehow I let it back in again. I over think things and need to stop and I needed to hear her thick, beautiful accent saying those words to me, because really, why do I care what anyone thinks. Like her, I've been taking care of myself for many, many years and likely will for years to come. I needed her today and she was right there without fail. I miss that woman with all my heart, but know she will always be there to kick me in the keester when I need it.
I'm not sure if she ever told my parents about that day. It was never mentioned to me, so I'm not sure. But it is one of my fondest memories of her and one of her most important lessons.
This isn't the kick in the pants that the title of this blog entry alludes to. This was just much needed help....
For months I've been making progress and moving back up the hill to actually being happy again. It's been a very steep, very slippery slope! I am almost at the top... then somewhere around 3 am this morning, I heard the demons in my head whispering again and well.... I started sliding backward. When I do this, I usually end up hermiting myself and move back into the world of writing. I don't have to deal with real people when I am there. So, out comes the script.
That's not the only thing that came out! I smiled when I thought of this tiny, 90 year old woman telling off the main character. Deja Vu, familiar territory. Grandma Betty?
This woman took no guff from anyone, she was tough, independent, raised many, many children on her own and laughed, a lot. When I was 13 she met up with me one day as I was walking home from school. I didn't see her at first and she was right beside me before I even noticed. I had spent another day being tormented by girls in school, ostracized for not fitting in. She caught me off guard, caught me crying.
I went through Hell in high school. A Hell, I until recently haven't shared with very many people. That day I did end up sharing it with Grandma Betty, she listened and when I was done, looked at me, told me to blow my nose and said these words that, till this day I can still hear loud and clear. 'Why do you care what they think?' Every time I would try to answer she would stop me and repeat, 'Why do you care what they think?' Why did I care? This woman had lived through emigrating from Scotland to Canada, poverty, raising 13 children on her own and took care of herself for most of her life. I was 13 and crying over words. Yes mean words, but just words. These words and the talk with her that afternoon gave me the ability to deal with what I was going through and her strength has helped me become the woman I am today.
She isn't with us in body any longer. She hasn't been for many years, but let me tell you, she swings back in just when you need it. Today was one of those days. I've been fighting with myself not to let one specific aspect of my life get to me any longer, but somehow I let it back in again. I over think things and need to stop and I needed to hear her thick, beautiful accent saying those words to me, because really, why do I care what anyone thinks. Like her, I've been taking care of myself for many, many years and likely will for years to come. I needed her today and she was right there without fail. I miss that woman with all my heart, but know she will always be there to kick me in the keester when I need it.
I'm not sure if she ever told my parents about that day. It was never mentioned to me, so I'm not sure. But it is one of my fondest memories of her and one of her most important lessons.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
My Perfect Xmass
It's almost that time of the year, again... blah... blah... blah. No I'm not a Scrooge, I'm just not a fan of Christmas of today. It's suppose to be about eating too much food and spending time with the ones you love and having some seasonal cheer, clementines, stale fruit cake and eating shortbread cookies. It's not suppose to be the greedy gimme gimme gimme commercial crock of poo it has become. I've always been a traditional Yule type of girl and will remain so, how ever, this years December 25th is going to be like no other.
Past Xmasses I have usually found myself at my parents, or a relatives home for the standard meal of dead bird and the fixings. Being Vegan this is not my idea of a nice meal. This year, is going to be completely different. This year I FINALLY get to spend the day my way. This year I am going to have my PERFECT XMASS.
My perfect Xmass fantasy is to spend the day in my jammies, on my couch, watching horror themed Xmass movies, snuggled up with my dogs, under my favourite quilt and enjoy the entire day. A day that is ALL MINE, all by myself, just me! This year for the first time EVER, I finally get to fulfill this dream day!
This year I don't have to go to dinners where all I can eat is salad, bread and cranberry sauce. I don't have to remove myself from the warm surroundings of my apartment to drag my carcass out into the cold streets to go celebrate a holiday I don't even like. I don't have to sit in a corner and watch children whine and complain that they didn't get all the gifts on their list or that the ones they did get weren't good enough. No, I don't have to do any of those things. December 25th is MY DAY and I will be spending it MY WAY!
My fridge will be full with my favourite foods, there will be apple cider and brandy and vegan eggnog. I always do a tonne of baking to give away of gifts and will ensure I have made extra for myself. If I feel like it, I will eat cookies all day. There will be Waffles and home made maple syrup and coffee... mmmmmm lots of yummy coffee.
I will fall asleep on the eve of the 24th, after getting my fill of the Grinch, then waking on the 25th, moving from my bed to the couch and popping in Xmass themed horror movies. I will only get off the couch to take the pups for their walk, or to get food or apple cider. This is my way to celebrate December 25th and I have to say it is the best idea I've had yet.
Past Xmasses I have usually found myself at my parents, or a relatives home for the standard meal of dead bird and the fixings. Being Vegan this is not my idea of a nice meal. This year, is going to be completely different. This year I FINALLY get to spend the day my way. This year I am going to have my PERFECT XMASS.
My perfect Xmass fantasy is to spend the day in my jammies, on my couch, watching horror themed Xmass movies, snuggled up with my dogs, under my favourite quilt and enjoy the entire day. A day that is ALL MINE, all by myself, just me! This year for the first time EVER, I finally get to fulfill this dream day!
This year I don't have to go to dinners where all I can eat is salad, bread and cranberry sauce. I don't have to remove myself from the warm surroundings of my apartment to drag my carcass out into the cold streets to go celebrate a holiday I don't even like. I don't have to sit in a corner and watch children whine and complain that they didn't get all the gifts on their list or that the ones they did get weren't good enough. No, I don't have to do any of those things. December 25th is MY DAY and I will be spending it MY WAY!
My fridge will be full with my favourite foods, there will be apple cider and brandy and vegan eggnog. I always do a tonne of baking to give away of gifts and will ensure I have made extra for myself. If I feel like it, I will eat cookies all day. There will be Waffles and home made maple syrup and coffee... mmmmmm lots of yummy coffee.
I will fall asleep on the eve of the 24th, after getting my fill of the Grinch, then waking on the 25th, moving from my bed to the couch and popping in Xmass themed horror movies. I will only get off the couch to take the pups for their walk, or to get food or apple cider. This is my way to celebrate December 25th and I have to say it is the best idea I've had yet.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
New Issue of Shebytches.com is alive!!!
Hey all, a new issue of Shebytches is alive!
Heather Wood
I've been trying to come up with a clever opening to this piece and haven't been able to.
Romy Shiller Opposition
I cannot think of permanent enmity between man and man, and believing as I do in the theory of reincarnation, I live in the hope that if not in this birth, in some other birth I shall be able to hug all of humanity in friendly embrace.
Mahatma Gandhi
I have been contrary all of my life. I rarely did or said what was expected. Honestly, among most of my peers I am the mildest. I am not extreme in appearance or attitude but how I think is out of the ordinary.
Viki Ackland A writer’s edge
I have been speculating of late if being filled with loneliness and angst, as opposed to being content and happy, has some bearing on a person’s ability to write in a way that has some sort of edge to the appeal.
Heather Wood
I've been trying to come up with a clever opening to this piece and haven't been able to.
Romy Shiller Opposition
I cannot think of permanent enmity between man and man, and believing as I do in the theory of reincarnation, I live in the hope that if not in this birth, in some other birth I shall be able to hug all of humanity in friendly embrace.
Mahatma Gandhi
I have been contrary all of my life. I rarely did or said what was expected. Honestly, among most of my peers I am the mildest. I am not extreme in appearance or attitude but how I think is out of the ordinary.
Viki Ackland A writer’s edge
I have been speculating of late if being filled with loneliness and angst, as opposed to being content and happy, has some bearing on a person’s ability to write in a way that has some sort of edge to the appeal.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Single Women stories
Good Morning Lovelies.
Single women out there, message me here or email me at carolina@carolinasmart.ca. I need to hear why you became single or remain single. It can be antic dotes, stories, advice, all of the above. Am working on a project and am doing research.
Single women out there, message me here or email me at carolina@carolinasmart.ca. I need to hear why you became single or remain single. It can be antic dotes, stories, advice, all of the above. Am working on a project and am doing research.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
2009 Toronto Zombie Walk
I can't believe this years Zombie Walk is just around the corner. It's been a great year for the undead! Only a few weeks ago we shambled up the red carpet for George Romero. This years walk is going to be extra special as my Mom, sister and two of my nephews are coming all the way from Wiarton to join in! Yeah!!!
Here are all the details for the walk and the after parties!
Start Time:
Saturday, 24 October 2009 at 15:00
End Time:
Sunday, 25 October 2009 at 02:00
Location:
Starting at Trinity Bellwoods Park and ending at Bloor and Bathurst
Description
On October 24th the DEAD shall RISE!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?success=1&id=743565724#/event.php?eid=121599804490&ref=ts
Roust your fetid corpse from its slumber, brush off those cobwebs and attend The 7th Annual Toronto Zombie Walk!
This year’s walk will commence at 3:30pm at Trinity Bellwoods Park, the meeting point will be the pit which is bordered by Dundas St. and Gore Vale Ave.
After your 3 Kill-O-Meter lurch in quest of human flesh meet your fate at The DEAD END (Bathurst and Bloor).
Walk route:
Start-Trinity Bellwoods Park
Trinity Bellwoods to Dundas
East on Dundas to Kensington Ave.
North on Kensington Ave to Baldwin
West on Baldwin to Augusta
North on Augusta to College
West on College to Borden
North on Borden to Bloor st
End at Bloor and Bathurst...(exact vicinity to be announced)
POST-WALK
As night creeps we invite you to attend Cinema of the Dead at the Bloor Cinema for a two for terror double ZOMBIE bill!
Fulci's Zombie and Night of the Comet are the featured films! Doors at 6:30pm
Zombies pay 16 bones for the double feature, the living will have to cough up 20 ( that is if they make it past the undead..mwahahah)..
www.cinemaofthedead.com
.... if the movies do not suit your fancy, or if you want to keep your DEAD On after the movies, Sneaky Dees and The Rock Ons will be hosting The Official Toronto Zombie Walk After Party...prepare to rock the crypt!
After a long day of eating flesh and mowing down brains you need something to do and we got it.
Starting at 9:00pm at Sneaky Dee's
is
The Official Zombie Walk After Party
Featuring performances by
The Delinquints - www.myspace.com/delinquintsmusic
THE ROCK ONS - www.myspace.com/THEROCKONS
The Nightmares - www.myspace.com/thenightmaresmusic
Cadillacs And Cadavers - www.myspace.com/cadillaccadaver
w/ special guest DJ Eric Von Eric
There will be movies, trophies, zombie bands, giveaways and not to mention BRAINS!!!!!
Only $5 at the door
Don't be fooled by imitations. This is The OFFICIAL Zombie Walk After Party.
and remember
KEEP THE DEAD ALIVE!!!!!
http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=toronto+zombie+walk&init=quick#/event.php?eid=151984898386
Toronto Zombie Walk Sponsors:
Roadrunner Records
It’s My Party
Into Halloween
Boneyard Bargains
Creeped Out Canada
Anchor Bay Entertainment
Maple Pictures
AAAAAH Indie Horror Hits
E1 Entertainment
Penguin Group Books
Toxic Avenger the Musical
Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles
Simon Pure
Ghoul Friday
A special thanks to those who helped us raise money by donating to the BRAINDRIVE so we could have the event this year:
Yonge St. Tattoos
Darkside
Malabar
Toronto After Dark
The Krafty Kreep
Quirk Books
Creepy Christine
She Bytches
2 Mile Jewelry
Crywolf
Burning Effigy
Quirk Books
The Raclones
Horror Biz
Skullians
The Screamagers
Here are all the details for the walk and the after parties!
Start Time:
Saturday, 24 October 2009 at 15:00
End Time:
Sunday, 25 October 2009 at 02:00
Location:
Starting at Trinity Bellwoods Park and ending at Bloor and Bathurst
Description
On October 24th the DEAD shall RISE!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?success=1&id=743565724#/event.php?eid=121599804490&ref=ts
Roust your fetid corpse from its slumber, brush off those cobwebs and attend The 7th Annual Toronto Zombie Walk!
This year’s walk will commence at 3:30pm at Trinity Bellwoods Park, the meeting point will be the pit which is bordered by Dundas St. and Gore Vale Ave.
After your 3 Kill-O-Meter lurch in quest of human flesh meet your fate at The DEAD END (Bathurst and Bloor).
Walk route:
Start-Trinity Bellwoods Park
Trinity Bellwoods to Dundas
East on Dundas to Kensington Ave.
North on Kensington Ave to Baldwin
West on Baldwin to Augusta
North on Augusta to College
West on College to Borden
North on Borden to Bloor st
End at Bloor and Bathurst...(exact vicinity to be announced)
POST-WALK
As night creeps we invite you to attend Cinema of the Dead at the Bloor Cinema for a two for terror double ZOMBIE bill!
Fulci's Zombie and Night of the Comet are the featured films! Doors at 6:30pm
Zombies pay 16 bones for the double feature, the living will have to cough up 20 ( that is if they make it past the undead..mwahahah)..
www.cinemaofthedead.com
.... if the movies do not suit your fancy, or if you want to keep your DEAD On after the movies, Sneaky Dees and The Rock Ons will be hosting The Official Toronto Zombie Walk After Party...prepare to rock the crypt!
After a long day of eating flesh and mowing down brains you need something to do and we got it.
Starting at 9:00pm at Sneaky Dee's
is
The Official Zombie Walk After Party
Featuring performances by
The Delinquints - www.myspace.com/delinquintsmusic
THE ROCK ONS - www.myspace.com/THEROCKONS
The Nightmares - www.myspace.com/thenightmaresmusic
Cadillacs And Cadavers - www.myspace.com/cadillaccadaver
w/ special guest DJ Eric Von Eric
There will be movies, trophies, zombie bands, giveaways and not to mention BRAINS!!!!!
Only $5 at the door
Don't be fooled by imitations. This is The OFFICIAL Zombie Walk After Party.
and remember
KEEP THE DEAD ALIVE!!!!!
http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=toronto+zombie+walk&init=quick#/event.php?eid=151984898386
Toronto Zombie Walk Sponsors:
Roadrunner Records
It’s My Party
Into Halloween
Boneyard Bargains
Creeped Out Canada
Anchor Bay Entertainment
Maple Pictures
AAAAAH Indie Horror Hits
E1 Entertainment
Penguin Group Books
Toxic Avenger the Musical
Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles
Simon Pure
Ghoul Friday
A special thanks to those who helped us raise money by donating to the BRAINDRIVE so we could have the event this year:
Yonge St. Tattoos
Darkside
Malabar
Toronto After Dark
The Krafty Kreep
Quirk Books
Creepy Christine
She Bytches
2 Mile Jewelry
Crywolf
Burning Effigy
Quirk Books
The Raclones
Horror Biz
Skullians
The Screamagers
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