In the tarot deck there is a fool card. The card represents optimism, blind faith, taking the leap without looking at where you are falling.... that card is me. I do that all the time. Take leaps on blind faith. Have done this all my life. I've done it again recently. Normally when something doesn't work, I confront it and I don't get the results I want I walk away. Recently I did that, when I did, it really fucking hurt! When I walk away, I never, NEVER return. Except in this case. For some reason, I did return. I gave a second chance.
I shouldn't even being doing this or complaining about it. I chose to allow the second chance. The last few weeks since doing so have been awesome. I walked away because I deserve 100% and wasn't getting it. Now, now... I am having that feeling again, even after making these facts very, very clear. The facts were laid out, I thought they were understood. In my head I thought things were going a certain way but in fact, they aren't. My idea of 100% is apparently not the same as everyone elses.
Right now I really don't know what to do. What I want to do is cry and bang my head on a wall. Not only am I the fool card. Right now, I feel like a fucking idiot. I also am trying hard to be patient, see where things go, I gave a second chance and need to see it through.
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