kick in the arse....

I love it when my horoscope gives me a swift kick in the arse!!!!!

Quickie:
Do you want a relationship to go deeper? Don't push this person. Give them time.

Overview:
Without really trying, you manage to impress exactly the right person in exactly the right way. Things should start to look brighter and brighter as this relationship deepens, so expect the best!

Me with little patience!!! I need to realize, I'm sometimes way ahead of the rest of the pack.. I need to slow down and wait for them to catch up!

Also starting tomorrow Sarrah and I are starting the 30 Day Raw Challenge. We are starting a day early but, I'm ready...I need to get back to where I was 6 months ago! I felt soooo much better when I was 80 % raw. Though it will be a lot of work.. I am determined to be 100% raw for all of April, and 80/90% afterwards! I lost weight quickly when I did it last time, felt healthier, has sooo much more energy and looked vibrant! I can't wait to get back to that happy space!

I am the fool card

In the tarot deck there is a fool card. The card represents optimism, blind faith, taking the leap without looking at where you are falling.... that card is me. I do that all the time. Take leaps on blind faith. Have done this all my life. I've done it again recently. Normally when something doesn't work, I confront it and I don't get the results I want I walk away. Recently I did that, when I did, it really fucking hurt! When I walk away, I never, NEVER return. Except in this case. For some reason, I did return. I gave a second chance.

I shouldn't even being doing this or complaining about it. I chose to allow the second chance. The last few weeks since doing so have been awesome. I walked away because I deserve 100% and wasn't getting it. Now, now... I am having that feeling again, even after making these facts very, very clear. The facts were laid out, I thought they were understood. In my head I thought things were going a certain way but in fact, they aren't. My idea of 100% is apparently not the same as everyone elses.

Right now I really don't know what to do. What I want to do is cry and bang my head on a wall. Not only am I the fool card. Right now, I feel like a fucking idiot. I also am trying hard to be patient, see where things go, I gave a second chance and need to see it through.

chirp... chirp... I already miss cuba...

I got back from Cuba this morning. I was prepared that I would be going from 30 degrees and perfection to... well... hello canada... cold... still some snow... that post vacation sadness. I was sad on a few counts, first.. I hate winter with such a passion I can't even explain it and returning to the cold... bleech. Second, the vacation went by way too fast, we were there for 7 days, 10 would have been better, but the main reason I'm sad is I had the best vacation I've ever had in my life with an absolutely amazing man and the vacation is done.

It was honestly the best vacation I've had. We drank way too much, laughed all the time, ate amazing food and explored. The resort we stayed at was absolutely beautiful and we definitely got 5 star treatment. I would go back to cuba in a heart beat. I would however stay at a different part of cuba, I want to experience all of that island. It is an absolutely beautiful country!

I was warned about a few things to expect. An eye opening experience at customs, people begging for money on the beaches etc. Two of my friends went last may and constantly saw soldiers on the beach. I experienced none of this. Customs in Cuba was so much quicker and more efficient than the airport here in Toronto. No soldiers and one guy was on the beach trying to sell cigars. The only time we saw people with their hands out was when we went on our day tour of Holgein. Their was a reality check when you see how basic the people of Cuba live. No AC, cell phones and their cars were mostly from the 1950's. Their main source of transportation, was walking, bike, horse or horse and buggy. Inside the city we saw city buses, but everywhere else it was as I just mentioned. We are spoiled!!!

A friend and my aunt both told me about the towel displays we should expect on our beds. Each day was a different one! The first was two swans head to head in the shape of a heart. The last one was a happy face! When I first saw the swans I giggled. My boyfriend asked me why I was laughing so I told him my friends story. She went to Cuba several years ago with her Dad. They had one room with two beds. The maid would come in each day and push the beds together and make the display. The maid must have thought they were married. Too funny! It was definitely a nice touch

I returned to find out my dogs were spoiled brats. Sarrah and David looked after them and I appreciate it more than anything. I am sure they were acting out because they thought I was abandoning them. The greeting I got when I walked into Sarrah's apartment was outstanding. The dogs were all over me!

I was hoping to come home to no snow, warm weather and tulips. No such luck, but... when I walked the dogs a few hours ago, I saw 2 Robins. Spring may actually be around the corner. Which is a good thing... I don't want my tan to fade!

is that cuba I can see on the horizon?

I am a day and a half away from sipping rum drinks with the yummiest person I know. I use the word yummy because he is just that, in more ways than one!

I've finished packing tonight because tomorrow is going to be busy and I don't want to forget anything. As I usually do I second guessed everything that was in the case, packed unpacked, counted, packed again... double checked.. then closed and locked the case. Am sure tomorrow I will.. check again... geez! I haven't been on a real vacation in years!!!!!!!!!!! My passport is empty and the first stamp to grace it's pages will be CUBA!

I was warned by my aunt carol, viki, janis and katie that the customs part will be an eye opener. I just want to be done all that already and enjoying the sun and having fun with the DR!

Si Cuba!

si Cuba!!!

I'm done with fucking winter. Done! After last Saturdays snow storm! OYE! So.... I'm going to CUBA! Si Cuba! I'm very excited to be going for so many reasons! The first one is I am going to be spending seven days straight, with and amazing person!!! Second is I can't wait to see Cuba. Third is I haven't been on a real vacation... meaning getting on an airplane and leaving Canada since 2001! Have I mentioned I'm excited.

I'm also a bit nervous. Not because of the vacation, but because of my dogs. I'm so paranoid when it comes to them. They are my babies. I am leaving them Sarrah and David. Tonight the dogs did a meet and greet. It was the first time they've all met. They did the initial sizing up... and after 30 minutes... didn't even notice they were in the same room with each other.... I worried for nothing!!!!!

I'm hoping that when we come back, the snow will be gone, it will be warm and the tulips will be up.

today... tomorrow and so on...

I'm smiling on the outside as well... no explanation needed. :)

I need to voice out about this!

I am an advocate that hollywood sucks! All they do these days is reality (what a joke) TV and remake movies that DO NOT need to be remade. I am a lover of horror. British and Asian/Japanese horror is my absolutely FAV. I am sick to my stomach every time I see Jessica Alba on the poster for Eye... it is still plastered all over the subway! These are movies that shouldn't be remade. The originals are horrific, terrifying and brilliant! No one, especially Hollywood has no right remake them.

The only reason Hollywood is remaking all these movies is they no longer have anyone talented enough to create brilliant screen plays. Why not hire new, fresh, vibrant talent. Like me. I have so many idea's coming out of my ass, I can't keep up or write them out fast enough!

Stop remaking movies. And stop with the multiple sequels. Don't get me wrong I LOVE Bruce Willis.... he didn't need to do another Die Hard... and Sylvester, stop making movies. We don't need another Rockie or Rambo... I just threw up a little bit just now. What's next... Ahhhhnold doing Conan the Sequel.

These Asian/Japanese horrors are brilliant! Watch the originals... NOT THE SEQUELS!!!!
Shutter
Eye... Fuck you Jessica Alba....
Ringu
The Grudge
Dark Water

I swear to God if they re-do the Audition and Old Boy! I am going to lose it!!!!!!

Metropolis and raw reasoning

I am a huge fan of silent movies. Last night I watched Metropolis. I've seen it before but for some reason, this time it scared the shit out of me. It was released in 1927 and is Fritz Lang's visionary masterpiece of what he felt our future would be like. You know what, he nailed it. We aren't quite at the defined role of rich vs worker. But we are homing in on it and I wouldn't be surprised if very soon the division of classes happens and the workers find themselves living beneath the city. This movie really bothered me and Lang's genius use of lighting, machine manipulation and a very creepy, almost human like robot.... Hello nightmares.......

I am almost ready to get back on my raw train. I started juicing again yesterday, today I went to Chinatown to stock up on veggies and fruits and nuts, oh my. I've started soaking my nuts for the nut loaf I am going to start dehydrating. If only I could find a decent bread recipe... I am still debating about eh one in the ani phyo recipe book... do I do it... do I not do it.... I also came to the realization that when I stopped juicing before Xmas, I started gaining weight. So back on juicing, back on raw food, sprouting and dehydrating. Yes it seems like a lot of work, but I will be upfront. If is well worth it!

Bad horror day....

Ask me how much I am hating winter!!!!!! No really ask me. I had plans of going to Chinatown today to get all the stuff I needed to start my raw food diet... and well, thanks Wiarton Willie, you albino fucker.... it was storming.. it's all bright and sunny now... but I don't want to go now, because by the time I am done it will be rush hour. I loath transit as it is. Lugging groceries, in the snow and crowded street cars... no thanks. I know complain much!

Earlier I was talking to Sarrah about my change of plans. She laughed at me and said, 'I am amazed by your ability to talk yourself out of things.' It's true, if I had a superpower, that would be it. Instead, I will go tomorrow. I don't have a choice. I don't have enough fruit and veggies. What I have chosen to do is drink coffee, on my second pot, watch Boris Karloff and write.

I also took the opportunity of being stuck inside, to clean my apartment, tidy up my office area and at some point lug my laundry downstairs. Ok, so I'm not stuck inside. When it's cold out, I don't feel like leaving my apartment.....ever!!!!

The fast that went by... really fast!

Aiya... so.. I lasted two days on the fast, which is outta the norm for me. Normally I do 10 plus. For some reason my body didn't agree with it this time and I felt incredibly sick for the entire time. I've learned to listen to my body and when it said no, I said ok. Instead, I've decided to go back on my Raw diet. Starting tomorrow I will work my way up to 100% raw for the April 30 Day Raw Challenge.

I started this Challenge last May and had a bunch of people join in. Though it was a bit of work, it was amazing. I felt spectacular the entire time and in the month of May lost about 15 pounds from doing 100% raw. Because I LOVE cooked food once the challenge is done I will stick to a 80% raw diet, allowing myself a few cooked meals each week. The benefits from being raw are so amazing, I wish I could bottle it.

I was 100 raw for 3 months, 80% raw for 3 months and then in October of last year, fell completely off the wagon. Since then I've gained back 10lbs. I was 15 lbs away from my goal weight. FIFTEEN POUNDS. I will admit I am pissed that I wasn't able to stick with it. It was hard, I moved around quite a bit and with all the other stuff going on, I just couldn't do it. Now, I have no excuses and am back on the plan again. So... I now not have 15lbs to lose, but the 10 I put back on, so in total 25 lbs. I am determined to have it all off by June and if I stick to it, will be completely healthy and at my goal.

I am also done with fasting. I may do 3 day juice fasts one in a while as they are an amazing way to cleanse the body, but doubt I will do the master cleanse again. I don't think my body required 10 days of fasting any longer. Especially if I am going to feel like shit again.

I've also been talking to Sarrah about it and she is also going to try the Raw Diet. She is borderline Diabetic and will benefit from eating healthy. We all do.

Raw Yumminess, here I come!

Are you kidding!!!

Ok.. it's March.. I am on day 1 of my fast. Now I figure, I'm working from home.. I won't have to suffer through the smells of other peoples food. It's warm out, I have all the windows open... guess what... someone is BBQing!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!

I realized the other day I need to do this fast. I've fallen off my food wagon and need to get back on it. I've gained 10 lbs since November. I need to get it off and an additional 15 lbs. I have a goal weight I need to get to and have been slacking!!! So, fast than back on my raw diet! Somehow I think it will make me feel better as well.