The Lioness

I was having a conversation with V last night.  When something hit me and it hit me like an 18 wheeler.... how cliche is that but....  I'm a Lioness.  Ok, let me backtrack and explain.  Last night, during our conversation, V said that she won't chase men, they need to chase her.  It made sense.  Why should she.  Why should any of us.  But... but... there is an exception.  I am a female lion, a lioness.

The Lionesses.  Lionesses are powerful animals who usually hunt in groups and stalk their chosen prey.  Because Lionesses hunt in open spaces where they are easily seen by their prey, cooperative hunting increase the likelihood of a successful hunt; this is especially true with larger species. Thank you Wikipedia.  

I realized I am the chaser... not the chasee.  This is with absolutely everything.  Everything about my life.  If I want it... I have to go after it.  My mistake all along it I have been sitting back and waiting to be chased.  Oh, I've been doing work, but only 10% of it.  I need to be doing 110% if I want anything to go the way I have decided it should.  

I have been suffering from one of the worst cases of insomnia I've had in a very long time.  It's been a week now.  My K asked it if was anxiety,  I said no, I've had this issue all my life, I just can't turn my brain off.  He was right, it is anxiety, I've been stressing about the path my life is on, a path I am proud to be on, one that I've dreamed about being on for a very long time.  I'm stressing because I refuse to fail and the thought that I could fail is weighing on me heavily.  But, I'm not going to fail.  

I am the strong Lionesses and I always have been.  My strength both draws in and terrifies people around me.  I have to fully accept this and start stalking my prey!