Back Off!!!!

I really need to learn to back off and stop being so aggressive in certain area's of my life.  That characteristic may have caused me to blow something.  Something that could have been very nice.  Since last night I  have been completely beating myself up over the entire thing.  I do that a lot, beat myself up when I screw up.  Sometime, like now, it is called for.  This makes me sad also.  I seem to continue to make the wrong choices with people.  I allow people into my life who are selfish and only have their best interests in mind.  Then I meet someone who is a decent human being with a generous heart and I blow it by thinking they will only think of me or treat me as all the others do.  I act upon those thoughts and say and do inappropriate things. If I don't break this pattern this will keep happening.

I've also realized I can't really schedule my life around my writing and my writing around my life.  I had this beautiful schedule about when I was doing what etc.  um, ya.. it's doesn't work that way....  since Sunday I've learned two very good lessons.  Hopefully both situations are fixable.

In other news, my ass hurts today.  I did cardio with Sarrah yesterday... after many months of not doing any kind of work out... and... um.. did I mention my ass hurts.  I've promised myself something.  To stop complaining.  Put up or shut up.  I've been whining again about my weight, it's a huge self image issue that I have.  I over did it, as most people do over Christmas and have decided that the only way to ever feel 100% ok with my body is to stop bitching and start doing.  Plus, Sarrah is very persistent ;)

Now that I have unloaded the crap in my head, i am off to writing, reading, being.