Choices...

choice
   /tʃɔɪs/ Show Spelled [chois] Show IPA noun, adjective,choic·er, choic·est.
–noun
1.
an act or instance of choosing; selection: Her choice of a computer was made after months of research. His parents were not happy with his choice of friends.
2.
the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option: The child had no choice about going to school.


I've been doing a lot of thinking on this word and how it affects my day to day existence. Choices, my own, what others choose to do, why I question my own, those who don't understand mine. What sparked me to reach back into the dark depths of my mind was the week I've had, it's been an interesting week. I had two dates, saw a friend I haven't hung out with in over a year and a half, and discussed the process of life with another friend.


Why do I choose the people I let in and the people I walk away from?

My own mother will freely and gladly tell those around her, that I'm a lot to handle. I've always been the child that got her hands into everything, questioned adults, read books out of her league, made bold statements and made sure everyone around her knew she wasn't going to conform to the norm. Growing up this caused me a great deal of grief. As an adult, I choose to continue with this behavior and am willing to accept the consequences. I refuse to sit back and watch the world go by, mold myself to fit a 'certain' standard or settle for anything less than I deserve. In doing so, I also choose what humans stay and who go. Why is it we hold on to things and people who no longer serve a purpose or make us miserable. Fear of being alone, rejection, or of being viewed a certain way? If you look at my group of friends, they aren't your standard white bread group. I've never lived my life that way, why would I have friends who do?


The dating game is just that, a game and if I plan to stay in it, I need a better prize at the end.

I had two dates this week, someone from my past and someone I've just met. One date reminding what I don't want and the other showing me the possibilities of what I do want in a partner.

Open and honest communication was a big factor and choice this week. I'm one of those you can take me or leave me types. I always lay my cards on the table and sometimes it shocks other times it intrigues. I don't want to waste anyone's time and I sure as hell don't want them wasting mine. This doesn't always work out in the end, I tend to scare people off. But... that's their deal and not mine. Is there actually a man out there who is strong enough? Will I see either of these men again? That is a choice I leave up to them, I don't chase. A woman with options doesn't need to.

I kissed the boys and made them cry.

I had a very open and honest conversation with one of my girls. We talked about our difference in ideals in what is considered our perfect partner. Both of us have went through life trying to figure this out. She was finally able to and now has an amazing partner. Being fully honest with me, and her bluntness appreciated, she spoke her mind, 'honey, it takes an incredibly strong man to handle you, you just have accept he might not be out there.' Did that sting, a little bit. Sting or not she was right, it does take an incredibly strong person to handle me. Emotionally, mentally and physically. My choice here. I won't settle unless I find him. I also choose to accept that he might not even be out there, but I will still keep searching.


The words we choose.

Words thrown at me this week, gorgeous, anomaly, unprecedented, stubborn, freak, reliable, sassy, terrifying.

My word of the week however, will still remain 'choices'.