Bleech

The last couple days have sucked... suckage in the biggest way.... I had to rush my dog to the vet, she re-pulled a muscle in her back and is now on painkillers and anti-inflammatory medication... she is an expensive dog, but, at least I don't have to pay university tuition. I adore my dogs, they give me unconditional love.... unconditional. I just wish I could find a human would do the same.

Friday night, I had to end something. I knew it had to be done, but had been putting it off. Things weren't the same any longer, which is too bad, as this was a really good person who I had a lot of fun with. Sometimes we have to choose to end things when they seem to be one sided. I had to look hard at the situation and I realized I was the one who needed to go down a different road.

I know I don't like to admit it but I'm a big retarded romantic. I like being chased and courted and told that I am admired. I also want someone who will fight for me. I need that, unfortunately it is extremely hard to find that quality in another person. Rather than make something work... they would rather walk away. Just give up rather than do the work. That makes me sad, very sad. I am worth the fight, at least I think I am, I am worth so much more. I deserve more. I want someone in my life who is going to love me passionately and show me. I am also going to admit something else here, this is part of the reason I hate romantic movies. I look at them and think this is bullshit. That doesn't happen in real life. But it does, it just doesn't happen in my life and I guess that bothers me. You are suppose to leave those types of movies feeling all warm and mushy... I walk away feeling sad. There I've said it.

I also don't live in the past, so... what's done has been done. I need to get up, dust the dirt off my ass, and move on. Getting hurt sucks, but I'm tough, it won't be the first time and I sure as hell know... it won't be the last. This weekend has also made me realize I've been foolishly expending too much energy on people that don't deserve it. I have three kick ass projects I am working on (a game, my book, and the cookbook with viki). I need to stop fucking around and get back to what my destiny is... not worrying about taking care of other people and their needs. I need to get back to it being all about me!