The Lioness

I was having a conversation with V last night.  When something hit me and it hit me like an 18 wheeler.... how cliche is that but....  I'm a Lioness.  Ok, let me backtrack and explain.  Last night, during our conversation, V said that she won't chase men, they need to chase her.  It made sense.  Why should she.  Why should any of us.  But... but... there is an exception.  I am a female lion, a lioness.

The Lionesses.  Lionesses are powerful animals who usually hunt in groups and stalk their chosen prey.  Because Lionesses hunt in open spaces where they are easily seen by their prey, cooperative hunting increase the likelihood of a successful hunt; this is especially true with larger species. Thank you Wikipedia.  

I realized I am the chaser... not the chasee.  This is with absolutely everything.  Everything about my life.  If I want it... I have to go after it.  My mistake all along it I have been sitting back and waiting to be chased.  Oh, I've been doing work, but only 10% of it.  I need to be doing 110% if I want anything to go the way I have decided it should.  

I have been suffering from one of the worst cases of insomnia I've had in a very long time.  It's been a week now.  My K asked it if was anxiety,  I said no, I've had this issue all my life, I just can't turn my brain off.  He was right, it is anxiety, I've been stressing about the path my life is on, a path I am proud to be on, one that I've dreamed about being on for a very long time.  I'm stressing because I refuse to fail and the thought that I could fail is weighing on me heavily.  But, I'm not going to fail.  

I am the strong Lionesses and I always have been.  My strength both draws in and terrifies people around me.  I have to fully accept this and start stalking my prey!

Let me clear something up...

Ok, maybe if I put this in writing... you might all get it.  Stop asking me to go to romantic comedies... even if they are starring Gerard Butler!  Don't get me wrong.. I LOVE Gerard... who doesn't, but even if he is running around naked for the entire movie.. if it is a romantic comedy.  Don't ask me to go. 

Why you ask?  I CAN'T STAND romantic comedies.  They make me want to hurl.  Let me explain why.  Romantic comedies are the equivalent to reality TV... they aren't real!  Not one of them.  It's the biggest load of bullshit... faery tale endings and all that shit.  None of this happens in real life.  

~Men don't go to the other side of the world and travel across a war torn country to find their true love.

~Men don't leave a trail of love letters so that after they die you get to fulfill all your fantasies.

~No one has the PERFECT marriage/relationship... what ever.

~Men just don't do the things that Hollywood has tried to get us to believe in these ridiculous movies.

Ok, someone reading this is say... 'what a bitter bitch'.  I'm not bitter, not at all.  I'm a realist.  I've been there and done that.  Sure I would love my prince to ride in on a perfect black stallion and sweep me off my feet.  But I know that isn't going to happen.  It's not that easy.  You have to work for it.  Work for every single ounce of it.  If you think that it will all just happen and everything will be all peachy all the time... get over yourself.

What's real... 

~Marriages don't last anymore.  Five years is the max.  If you make it that far you are doing well. 

~If you decide to be in a relationship both of you need to work on it.  All day, all week, all the time!!!

~We fight with each other all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  That is why they invented make up sex.

~Movies are not real life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a romantic. Ask anyone who knows at me.  I do believe that everyone out there has a soulmate.  I want to find mine.   I often joke that it's my dog Harley.... he is a perfect little blondie boy.  I also believe in love at first site... well sorta.. it's more lust at first sight, but....  I know it's possible.  I want to find someone who gives me butterflies every time I see them, or talk to them on the phone, anxious too see them and miss them like crazy when they aren't around.  I want those things, but... I am a realist and know that it may never happen.  I also know that is if I do, I need to do the work that goes with it.  I don't walk around with my head in the clouds, if I do, I've given a few people permission to smack me.  I know that my life isn't a Romantic comedy, how boring would that be.  It falls somewhere between an episode from Sex in the City and a Hitchcock movie.... Rear Window is what I would pick.

So in short... STOP asking me to go to Romantic movies.  You want to take me to a movie... Here is a list.

No Country for Old Men

I am Legend

Untraceable

Cloverfield

You getting it now.... 

My brain may explode

Do you ever get so many idea's in your head that you can't keep up???  That is what is happening to me today.  It's crappy and snowing out.  A perfect stay in kinda day.  The kind where I take advantage and write.

My problem is I have one story to finish and I'm stalled on it and have 4 other stories in my head.  I can't write them down fast enough. I am also trying to research angels.  Um... except I need to know more about the not so nice ones... Michael, Gabriel and all the others.  If you have a good depth of knowledge on the archangles or books, reference, websites I could look at, please message me!

and just for shits and giggles... watch these...

Mac vs PC Halo Style

Gates vs Jobs... 

Sometimes we just have to get a hangover in order to see we have it pretty damn good!

Ok, let me explain the title of this blog.  Saturday I woke up with one hell of a hangover. A hangover that was the result of too much wine, tequila and vodka, oh and finally going to bed at 4 am.  The hangover actually lasted till dinner time because I refuse to take over the counter pain medication (Yes Sarrah I am a princess).  I know this is going to sound odd but.. it was a good hangover (seeing 'The Dr' Saturday also helped get rid of the headache ;)  there is nothing like getting rid of it the old fashioned way)! 

Friday night was girls night.  We started out at my place drinking wine... and ended up at the Silver Dollar.  My girls and I had a blast, actually we always have a blast, who am I kidding! !  Going to the Silver Dollar was the highlight of it all, as I was able to talk to 'the cutie', laughed till I thought I was going to be sick and met up with old friends that I haven't seen in a very long time.  That alone was a nice surprise.

 

The hangover, reminded me of a few things:

• I have friends, who love me and we all enjoy each others company... friends that I drink too much with but... 
  
• Even if I don't see certain friends for months or even years... we seem to pick up exactly where we left off (and this doesn't just pertain to last night, a few friends from my past have made it back into my life again since Jan 1)
  
• I will always have enough change in my pocket to enjoy nights like Friday.  Sometimes money will be tight but I will always find a way to enjoy life
  
• There will never be any bullshit... ever.  Every single one of my friends will not hold back.  If you are acting like an idiot... you will be put in check
• I realize I just need to back off on certain things and be patient.  Good things come to those who wait... this isn't a crock of shit.. it is the truth.
• 2008 is going to FUCKING Rock!!!  I've been blessed and handed may gifts and I need to ensure I always remember that.

Hello Ms Invisible

I'm starting to feel a bit invisible these last couple weeks...  Viki and I have this ongoing joke about being the invisible twins.  We go out together and waitresses, bartenders... store sales people...  ignore us...  even when we want the bill... in the last little while I was having a really good streak of luck in this department... then... whammo, I'm back to being invisible.

Thing is, it's not just when I'm with Viki.  It's happening with everyone I'm with.  I'm also getting a little tired of not getting called back when people tell me they are going to... Of course being invisible can have it's benefits.  Maybe I need to figure out what those are.

Cooking Zines

I have a confession to make.  Ok, if you know me it's not really a confession rather a fact.  I'm a cookbook whore.  Always have been.  I come by it honestly, my mother is a cookbook whore as well.  What I am really addicted to are Vegan cooking zines.  I find them more user friendly than actually cookbooks and most of them are quirky and a lot of fun.

My currently favourite are the zines produced by Katie Hubbard.  She is the creator of the blog donteatoffthesidewalk.com.  The recipes are basic, ingredients are easy to find and instructions are simple.  Go check it out.

Wearing rose coloured glasses....

I sometimes wonder if I go through life wearing rose coloured glasses.  The last few days I have been beating myself up.  Feeling like an asshole for something I thought I had done wrong on Sunday.  Last night I was beating myself up AGAIN.  I actually went as far as calling myself and asshole.  Then I realized, wait, I was being myself.  Yes, I was being aggressive, saying and doing what my feelings were telling me to.  I thought I had offended the other person with my actions. I felt really bad about this.  The thing that was making me feel bad was the silence.  

I hate silence, HATE IT!  If you have an issue with me, you need to tell me what it is.  I would rather you tell me and make me understand what I did so I don't do it again.  Rather, than completely ignore me.  I have a crazy imagination and start to over analyze the situation.  I start to replay the conversations over and over again.  Wishing I hadn't said this and that.  I will do this for days!  I then start to beat myself up.  If you just tell me up front what the issue is, we can either fix it and move on or fix it and I move on.  

I need to know the answers to EVERYTHING and sometimes won't leave people alone until I get those answers.  I never want to become an annoyance but I really need to clear things up.  I was going to completely back off the situation but have decided that if by Saturday I don't hear from this person.  I will give that person a call.  If we can go no further, I want to at least end things off on good terms.  I don't want to be the asshole.  Because truly I'm not.