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The 21 day challenge....

So... I didn't make it to the end. Today would have been day 22 but I am sick and had soup and coffee. Yesterday was craving a Sadie's Breakfast Burrito and ate one. I would say I stuck to about 90% for the most of this. That alone is pretty damn good. Not to mention I lost 2 inches.

The end result is I need to work out more. (been doing 2 to 3 days) I also have now created amazing eating habits that include 80/90% raw food each day, eating only at Vegan establishments, and going forward, cutting out processed food (though 100% is impossible as I need protein and that comes in the form of things like Tofu and Tempeh. One of the biggest bad habits I have killed is bread. I use to eat a bagel every morning and bread was ALWAYS my lazy food. I know I will occasionally eat bread but it is no longer in my daily diet.

I didn't make it to the 30 day mark at 100% but will keep pushing the envelope. I am determined by summer to be down a couple more inches and still be 80/90% raw.

Salar and I did good and I am still going to continue on and to promote raw to others. It is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves.

There are a few things I have also discovered about myself in the last few weeks.
~I have zero tolerance for men or women, but especially men, who are full of themselves. Once upon a time I use to like cocky men. Now as I am getting older, I am realizing a cocky attitude is just a front for lack of self awareness and low self esteem.
~All talk and no action will get you no where with me. If you see me rolling my eyes, RUN!
~I need to start listening to my friends. It seems when my friends and parents/sister tell me good things about myself or compliment me, I always whisper in the back of my mind you are only saying that because you love me. It takes having a few strangers tell me these things to realize everyone was being sincere.
~I am my own worst enemy. Which is good because I know where I laid out the boobie traps.
~You have to try all the flavours in the ice cream shop. Vanilla is just so FUCKING BORING!
~I actually do prefer younger men. After a few weeks of dating men my own age, I realized that the ones who will keep up are the young hotties. Younger men are also way more open minded.
Though I haven't spent as much time with them as I should be. I love my friends to death. My core group of friends, girls, boys, zombies, vampires and monsters alike are amazing and I don't tell them enough.
~I am giddy about seeing Anna. I miss that girl to death and am glad she will be home, if only for a short time.
~I have no desire to ever return to facebook... at all.

Restart!

I'm only day 18 on my Raw Challenge and I am already starting at 100 day raw challenge. Though I had a few minor falters, I've stuck to the challenge and have seen results. 2 inches lost, my hair and skin looking better and having more energy than I can remember, I am ready to push the challenge to the next level. 100 days of Raw.

Because I am restarting with a bigger challenge tomorrow, I have decided to allow myself to have a day of cooked food. I am excited to be doing the 100 day challenge. I've been wanting to do one in a long time but timing was never right. A lousy excuse and one I refuse to use this time.

Counting down! 10... 9... 8...

Choices...

choice
   /tʃɔɪs/ Show Spelled [chois] Show IPA noun, adjective,choic·er, choic·est.
–noun
1.
an act or instance of choosing; selection: Her choice of a computer was made after months of research. His parents were not happy with his choice of friends.
2.
the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option: The child had no choice about going to school.


I've been doing a lot of thinking on this word and how it affects my day to day existence. Choices, my own, what others choose to do, why I question my own, those who don't understand mine. What sparked me to reach back into the dark depths of my mind was the week I've had, it's been an interesting week. I had two dates, saw a friend I haven't hung out with in over a year and a half, and discussed the process of life with another friend.


Why do I choose the people I let in and the people I walk away from?

My own mother will freely and gladly tell those around her, that I'm a lot to handle. I've always been the child that got her hands into everything, questioned adults, read books out of her league, made bold statements and made sure everyone around her knew she wasn't going to conform to the norm. Growing up this caused me a great deal of grief. As an adult, I choose to continue with this behavior and am willing to accept the consequences. I refuse to sit back and watch the world go by, mold myself to fit a 'certain' standard or settle for anything less than I deserve. In doing so, I also choose what humans stay and who go. Why is it we hold on to things and people who no longer serve a purpose or make us miserable. Fear of being alone, rejection, or of being viewed a certain way? If you look at my group of friends, they aren't your standard white bread group. I've never lived my life that way, why would I have friends who do?


The dating game is just that, a game and if I plan to stay in it, I need a better prize at the end.

I had two dates this week, someone from my past and someone I've just met. One date reminding what I don't want and the other showing me the possibilities of what I do want in a partner.

Open and honest communication was a big factor and choice this week. I'm one of those you can take me or leave me types. I always lay my cards on the table and sometimes it shocks other times it intrigues. I don't want to waste anyone's time and I sure as hell don't want them wasting mine. This doesn't always work out in the end, I tend to scare people off. But... that's their deal and not mine. Is there actually a man out there who is strong enough? Will I see either of these men again? That is a choice I leave up to them, I don't chase. A woman with options doesn't need to.

I kissed the boys and made them cry.

I had a very open and honest conversation with one of my girls. We talked about our difference in ideals in what is considered our perfect partner. Both of us have went through life trying to figure this out. She was finally able to and now has an amazing partner. Being fully honest with me, and her bluntness appreciated, she spoke her mind, 'honey, it takes an incredibly strong man to handle you, you just have accept he might not be out there.' Did that sting, a little bit. Sting or not she was right, it does take an incredibly strong person to handle me. Emotionally, mentally and physically. My choice here. I won't settle unless I find him. I also choose to accept that he might not even be out there, but I will still keep searching.


The words we choose.

Words thrown at me this week, gorgeous, anomaly, unprecedented, stubborn, freak, reliable, sassy, terrifying.

My word of the week however, will still remain 'choices'.

Day 11... yes I'm still here

Oops! I guess I'm a bit behind on my posts. It's been a wee bit busy the last few days. I also have a confession to make... I ate something that wasn't raw. On Friday I had to go to a meeting and didn't go prepared... so, I had to eat part of a bagel. Trust me I paid for it afterward. Bloating, a feeling of uncomfortable heaviness in my stomach ALL DAY! I was hungry and there wasn't really much of an option so.... Lesson learned, keep raw bars or a bag of dates/nuts in my bag at all times!!!

Speaking of which I need to tweak my own larabar knock off recipe this week. Yesterday I started dehydrating raw curried falafels. I had to sprout some chickpeas, it took a couple of days for those to finish sprouting and by tomorrow I will have raw falafely goodness to take in my lunch. My next goal is to find a good raw wrap recipe so I can make falafel sandwiches.

Again this morning I caved and tried on the skinny jeans... I was able to get them almost all the way up... I seriously need to hide them somewhere until I've reached my goal, but can't seem to bring myself to do that. I honestly believe that I love self torture!

To Facebook or Not to Facebook...

Yesterday I abruptly deactivated my facebook account. I've been trying for months to make the leap, only ever able to stay off for a few days at a time. In recent weeks I have been trying desperately to finish 3 book projects, all off which are 2/3rds done. I keep finding myself being drawn away from my first love and to the distraction of that terrible drug.. facecrack. I pulled the plug yesterday and though going through withdrawal I am going to stick to my guns this time. There truly is nothing on there for me, I can't become a better person with Facebook, I'm not going to save the world or cure AIDS on there and I sure as hell am not going to get these books finished and published by being on there either.

The ironic thing here, is people I didn't think would really notice my disappearance have messaged me to make sure I am ok and the people that should have noticed have said nothing. It's funny how we use a cyberspace networking tool to gauge the sincerity of those around us. Weird if I don't say so myself. In all honestly I need to step back and take a hard long look at myself and what is really going on in my life. I've already started to take my health and fitness to another with the raw diet and the beginning of my own boot camp. Now I have to do the same with personal life. I constantly preach to others that life is supposed to be forward moving. I have been doing this at a snails pace and need to start kicking myself as hard as I kick others. The first step for me is to break the bad habit of procrastination with my life. Step 1 of the 12 step program, GET OFF FACEBOOK.

Then there is my crutch... the cell phone.

I am not a people person. I am introvert who would rather chat on MSN or text than actually talk to someone face to face or dial a phone and have an actual conversation. It seems that the fates have decided enough is enough and over the last week my crutch, AKA my Blackberry has begun to die a slow... jerky death. Randomly shutting itself off till it finally gave up the ghost this afternoon. I called my provider to find that after dropping it in a sink full of water a few months ago, it was only a matter of time before the battery said adios. I unfortunately can't get a new battery till after work on Monday, so am with out the ability to cower behind the safety of BB messenger and text. I actually took the brave step of giving out my land line number to people and telling them to phone me rather than message or email. Step 2 of the 12 step plan.

Whew, 2 out of 12 steps in one day is plenty. That alone is exhausting in itself.

Step 3 of 12... an actual date with someone? Do I dare....

Addendum: It's been almost 1.5 weeks since I left Facecrack, and I have no intentions of going back until I have fulfilled 3 promises I made to myself. I'm not sharing those promises, they are too personal, but until they happen, my own personal facebook page stays deactivated.

Day 7... ewwwww you wrascally wabbit!

I'm craving carrots.... is that normal... who craves carrots. I don't think this has anything to do with being on a raw diet. I am craving the taste of carrots. Normally when I fast or do detoxes, I crave other things, salty things. Usually potato chips or fries. Today this crazy... crazy craving for carrots kicked in. Because I don't have a peeler at work I would have had to buy those terrible baby carrots. I won't buy those because it is too hard to determine which are the carrots that aren't washed in a chlorine bath to preserve them. That's right folks. Ever notice they turn white after a while...

I am going to deal with the craving in about 5 minutes. Rather than chaw on 3 or 4 carrots I am going to juice them instead. That will kill the craving I hope!

I've figured out a plan to help being raw easier. Once a week I am going to make up marinades, sauces and dressings, likely mid week. Then one of the weekend days make two or three dehydrated things. Someone also said to chop up your all your veggies twice a week, but I actually don't mind the chopping. Just like washing dishes it is therapeutic for me.

I'm also considering a two day juice fast. I am trying to figure out what weekend and what juices to drink. Though they suggest you do a green juice fast, I may combine others as well. Still looking into that.

Ok... time to go juice my carrots!