Where I stand

Today would have been day 20 of the 100 day 100% raw challenge. Yesterday I did a lot of thinking about where I am with the challenge and I have to say I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that even with the amount of time I'm putting into making sure I have awesome raw meals (and it is a lot of time), I'm not feeling happy with this. I've only lost 2.2lbs after 20 days and that confuses me. I've also come to realize that this is way too expensive (I am self employed and on a very tight budget). I know that last statement makes no sense. Healthy fruits and veggies should be inexpensive but they aren't. Sadly we live in a world of fast food and crap that is much cheaper to eat. I'm not going to start eating fast food and crap, no worries of that!

So, where does this leave me. I am going to still stay on a 80-90% raw diet. I had to admit to myself yesterday that part of my frustration is around the fact that I do like cooked food, I just need to be more selective about my choices.

Things that will remain out of my diet as much as possible are:
processed foods
soy
wheat/gluten
high fatty foods

Overall healthwise I do feel better, but emotionally this was a challenge. Though I am disappointed in myself, I did learn a lot at the same time.

Day 16 and frustrated as hell

Ok, I am on day 16 of the 100 day raw challenge. I am also working out as I am doing the challenge. Between the two of them, I should have lost weight, but I haven't. I am still stuck at the 2.2lbs I lost in the few days. Some might argue that if you are changing your diet up and not losing weight, it is because you don't need to. Well the thing here, is I need to. I need to lose 20lbs to be at my healthy weight, so why is it that all raw and advanced cardio work outs have me stopped at 2.2lbs? I am very very confused.

The weather and insomnia are also making this very difficult as well. The cold makes me crave soup and tea. Not sleeping makes me want to drink pots and pots of coffee. I need to get over this hump, so starting sunday am going to do the 3 day juice feast I was talking about.

I'm just glad I didn't pack away my winter things. Spring my arse!

Day 14 of the raw challenge

I'm day 14 into the Raw Challenge. I'm growing weary of rabbit food. But I've committed to this for so many reasons. My health being the most important. I need to start changing it up a bit. I've removed most of the dehydrated stuff from my diet, but am getting sick of salads. I am considering having a all juice/smoothie day at least once a week, to give myself a break.

Though the weather has turned to shit, my attitude is as dark. I've realized I've been down for too long and need to crawl out of the dark, dank hole. Talking to Becks this weekend also helped remind me that I am allowed to be sad once in a while, but I can't let it affect my life.

So, tomorrow I think I am doing an all day juice/smoothie day. It's also my day off from working out. Muscles I forgot are SORE! But that is good, it means I am using them again. Like being raw, I am always on the verge of giving up, but I can't and won't.

Now to make spring happen!

The April Issue of Lipstik Indie is ALIVE

Hey everyone, the April issue of Lipstik Indie (www.lipstikindie.com) is ALIVE. Check out all the amazing indie reviews:

Featured Review
You Never Know - a Memoir (Romy Stiller) Reviewed by Carolina Smart

Bands/Music
David Rynhart and Emily Weedon Reviewed by Nik Beat

Francis Reviewed by Tara Sales

Books
Naked Lens (Jack Sargeant) Reviewed by Carolina Smart

Comics
The Pistoleers (Dan Nokes) Reviewed by Cathy Petch

eZines
Katy Towell's Childrin R Skary Reviewed by Laura Roberts

Zombie Portraits Reviewed by James Dewar

One more thing that doesn't make sense

When you have too much time on your own, you do too much thinking. The last few days I have been trying to figure out why humans are the way they are. The more I think the more I understand why our society is so fucked up. But there is still one thing that bothers me. It always has.

Why do nice people get used and walked all over, yet assholes get what they want. Look around, it's true. People who are genuinely nice and have good hearts should be the ones that get what they want, yet as soon as an asshole steps up to plate... This makes no sense to me. I am not sure I will ever figure it out, so I've resigned myself to stop.

I am sitting here, listening to the rain outside, it's a legitimate excuse for me to stay in. I've been doing that a lot lately. It looks like I will be doing it a lot going forward as well. In many ways it is fine, I need to finish my first book of short stories, do taxes and work on other stuff. Financially it is better for my pocket book.

I'm not meaning to sound whiny here. Things have just been bugging me lately. More than they should be I suppose. I am also not complaining about sitting home. I do go out on my own. I've been a loner most of my life. The life of a lone gun not unfamiliar to me.

It's spring and soon summer and the warm weather should be making me feel happy and light, but it isn't. I think I just need a trip to the island, that always puts things into perspective. Since living in Toronto, I always wondered what it would be like to live over there. There is a calm creepiness about it. I imagine evenings the spookiest. A place that is perfect for me.

Back to the drawing board....

I think I need to go back to the drawing board, sorta.

I'm on day ten of the 100 day raw challenge and have so far only lost 2.2lbs. I'm a bit confused. Being on all raw I should have lost at least a total of 5 lbs by now. I think I figured out my issue. I'm likely eating too much fat. My original plan was to eat/drink mostly fresh juices and eat fully raw foods (meaning fruits, veggies and minimal nuts), however I have been eating a lot of dehydrated dishes, which contain quite a bit of nuts. My green smoothie already has avocado in it, that alone has a tonne of fat. I also think that dehydrated foods can be high in calories. My goal here isn't to lose weight but to make my body as healthy as possible. Too much fat, even though it is considered good fat, is still bad. So... starting today am cutting out the dehydrated stuff and in a few weeks will allow a bit back in to my diet. On Sunday am going to do another 3 day juice feast to hopefully get me back on track!

I am going to work out, shower and go on a long walk. I need air and a break from being inside. I think that my foul mood of the last few weeks is partly due to spending too much time thinking. Most of which has been thinking about the current status of my life. Though I am working as hard as I can to be a full time writer, living ones dream is apparently not enough for happiness. There are so many other aspects of my life that feel unfulfilled and as hard as I may try, I can't seem to do anything about them. Once I get my taxes done (another HUGE stress right now) I am going to dedicate time again to looking into moving to NYC. I need a change of environment. It may take while before I can move there. But I think that is going to be the next phase in my life. My family doesn't like the idea, they say it is too far away, but really it is just a ten hour car ride and a great way for them to make an excuse for a road trip. I'm single and my only responsibilities, beside credit card debt, are my two furry companions. They are bonafide city dogs and as long as they are with me I don't think they really care if it is Toronto or NYC.

I need to shake myself out of this darkness. Maybe some sunshine will help, maybe that isn't the solution. Like always, I will figure it out.

Day 9 of the fast Day 2 of being held hostage by Purolator...

I am now on day 9 of my raw challenge. It was almost a literal challenge as yesterday I sat in my apartment all day waiting for Purolator to deliver my new cell phone. My old phone has almost completely died and a new one is on the way. According to the evil delivery service I was suppose to have it in my hot little hands yesterday... by 5:15 pm my patience had run thin and upon calling them, the box had returned to the depot and they couldn't find a reason why in their system as to why I was missed. They of course 'assured me' that they would 'try', yes she said try, to deliver it to me today. So here I sit, a second day, not holding my breath.

I'm on day 9 of the raw challenge, but am a bit confused. I should have lost a bit more weight by now, but am still at 2.2lbs only. I am wondering if I am eating too much fat. As a snack I've had a handful of nuts, have avocado in my green smoothie at lunch and the dehydrated stuff does have quite a bit of nuts in it. I am going to cut back on that and instead of having nuts for a snack will chop up some carrots instead. I am relearning all raw so will make adjustments as I go. I am also upping my works starting today. I understand how the new program works now so am going to start at the 30 minute level and work up from there.

Yesterday I had to make changes on my profile on Facebook. Apparently if you are a woman and you have single on your profile, it is open season. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not opposed to the idea of dating, as a matter of a fact I am very open to the idea, what I don't appreciate is the types of, let's say 'propositions' I've been getting or the hostility I receive when I say thank you but I'm not interested. With certain things I am still old fashioned, I need manners and polite interaction and oh.. flowers. I am fully convinced the whole notion of properly courting someone has vanished and that makes me very sad. Chivalry shouldn't be dead. Trust me more bees with honey.