Check out an interview that was done with me by the lovely D. COLE OSSANDON.
http://www.shamelessmag.com/blog/2008/10/carolina-smart-queen-of-shebytches/#more
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Positivity...
Positivity, isn't a real word... but I may add it to my growing book of words I've made up (descriptor words). It is however the verb I have decided to use to represent my life in the last few weeks. Far too long I have kept people and things in my life that dragged me down, tried to pull me into their constant drama and negativity. Something happened recently that gave me the kick in the pants that was needed to wake me up, to realize it was time to remove all these negative things from my life. So I did and since, everything that has been happening in my life is golden.
A few years ago I did something similar, cleaned house so to speak, but somehow I left some of those grey, negative dust bunnies back in. Those bunnies come in many shapes and forms and cannot be trusted. They are sneaky and get into corners that we sometimes cannot reach, yet when we find them they fight long and hard to deny their existence in order to stay hidden. I found those bunnies and sucked them up with a vacuum and then flushed them down the toilet. Gone bye bye for ever!
I've learned a hard lesson here, but not one I will ever forget and not one I will EVER repeat again. I only want positive things, influences and people in my life, the things/ones that are currently in my life I plan on keeping, the negatives that fight to creep back in won't ever be allowed to again.
Positivity is how I plan to live my life from this point forward.
A few years ago I did something similar, cleaned house so to speak, but somehow I left some of those grey, negative dust bunnies back in. Those bunnies come in many shapes and forms and cannot be trusted. They are sneaky and get into corners that we sometimes cannot reach, yet when we find them they fight long and hard to deny their existence in order to stay hidden. I found those bunnies and sucked them up with a vacuum and then flushed them down the toilet. Gone bye bye for ever!
I've learned a hard lesson here, but not one I will ever forget and not one I will EVER repeat again. I only want positive things, influences and people in my life, the things/ones that are currently in my life I plan on keeping, the negatives that fight to creep back in won't ever be allowed to again.
Positivity is how I plan to live my life from this point forward.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Patience and lack there of....
I need to learn how to be more patient!!! It is 4:57pm and I am sitting here STILL waiting for UPS to deliver my package. A package I apparently need to sign for... I'm starting to stew, you see I had my day all planned out. I was going to get up, do admin stuff, shower, run to the grocery store, do laundry, cook and write. The only thing I've been able to do all day, is write. Because I know the second, I hop in the shower, go put the laundry in or anything that doesn't allow me to run to the door... they will appear. I always tend to be the last person on their route, no matter where I live. And it is causing me great frustration (all though it has given me an awesome idea for a short story).
UPS aren't the only ones causing my patience to run thin. I have come to realize today that it isn't just delivery guys. I am impatient in soooo many other ways. Losing weight for instance. I know you can't rush it, that in order for you to lose weight and keep it off you need to do it slowly and properly. I get that. I have been working out every single day with my wii fit since the beginning of August and was starting to get frustrated on monday. In my mind at the rate I work out I should have lost 20 lbs by now... not 8. I should have better definition and look buff... Um.. I had to remove myself from fantasy land!!! 8lbs in month and half is pretty damn good! So I've convinced myself to not give up again. To keep working out. I love to eat, so unless I want to end up at 300lbs, I need to keep pushing on.
I have zero patience when it comes to dating, relationships etc. I'm a brat, I need lots of attention all the time and when I don't get it as often as I like, I write people off. I figure they can't make the effort, then why should I. Of course this all comes from one bad experience, where I was extremely patient with one person and in the end I felt like I wasted so much time! From that point on, I lose patience pretty much right away. This also goes for people in general. I've tried to change this but can't. I feel by doing that I'm lowering my standards of how I expect to be treated. I refuse to do that anymore. But the pay off can't be pushing people away due to my lack of patience.
Then there is my career. I understand my chosen field of writing is never a overnight success type. There is a lot of long hard work that needs to be done before I can ever reach success.
I need to be more realistic. I need to be more patient. I need to stop being a brat.
UPS aren't the only ones causing my patience to run thin. I have come to realize today that it isn't just delivery guys. I am impatient in soooo many other ways. Losing weight for instance. I know you can't rush it, that in order for you to lose weight and keep it off you need to do it slowly and properly. I get that. I have been working out every single day with my wii fit since the beginning of August and was starting to get frustrated on monday. In my mind at the rate I work out I should have lost 20 lbs by now... not 8. I should have better definition and look buff... Um.. I had to remove myself from fantasy land!!! 8lbs in month and half is pretty damn good! So I've convinced myself to not give up again. To keep working out. I love to eat, so unless I want to end up at 300lbs, I need to keep pushing on.
I have zero patience when it comes to dating, relationships etc. I'm a brat, I need lots of attention all the time and when I don't get it as often as I like, I write people off. I figure they can't make the effort, then why should I. Of course this all comes from one bad experience, where I was extremely patient with one person and in the end I felt like I wasted so much time! From that point on, I lose patience pretty much right away. This also goes for people in general. I've tried to change this but can't. I feel by doing that I'm lowering my standards of how I expect to be treated. I refuse to do that anymore. But the pay off can't be pushing people away due to my lack of patience.
Then there is my career. I understand my chosen field of writing is never a overnight success type. There is a lot of long hard work that needs to be done before I can ever reach success.
I need to be more realistic. I need to be more patient. I need to stop being a brat.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Embracing Spinsterhood
Recently I was told by three women who are near and dear to my heart, (mother, and 2 best friends) that I am quite a catch. Really? Really. I find this statement quite interesting because I have yet to be caught. The longer I go not being caught, whilst watching many of my female friends starting relationships, getting engaged/married, having babies and so forth, I wonder... have I not been caught because I'm too hard to catch or because I'm not suppose to be caught? I kept struggling with that point and it was frustrating me. Today I saw the word spinster and thought shit, that is what I am turning into, a spinster. After a few moments of pondering this, I realized, that isn't a bad thing. I'm 42, childless, independent, driven, intelligent, intellectual, creative and damn it can make a mean tart. I'm pretty damn awesome and it's too bad that someone, other than the women in my life, hasn't figured it out. Rather than mope on the fact, I've decided to take my awesomeness to the next individual, independent level and embrace the fact that I am a spinster. Sing it out loud sister!
Normally the word spinster would be taboo because the spinsters of yore aren't the same as the ones today, yet people still continue to understand the term as it was originally meant. This is the traditional meaning of the word spinster. "A spinster (or old maid) is a woman or girl of marriageable age who has been unwilling or unable to marry, therefore has no children. Socially, the term is usually applied only to women who are regarded as beyond the customary age for marriage, and is generally considered an insulting term, more degrading than the term "bachelor" for males. While men can continue to have children into their 70s or 80s, women generally become less and less able to bear children as they get older. So the term "old maid" is only applied to women who are past a child bearing age but have never married." In some ways a spinster today isn't the same and in other ways it is, and even with today's standards I am now considered a spinster. Yes it is 2008, I am still considered at 42 unmarriable. Sounds a little harsh, yes, but it is actually quite true. Men my age rarely want to marry someone their own age. They require a younger model with the options of reproduction. (I guess they haven't heard that women can still bear children until their mid 50's). Ok, so be it, but they also don't realized those younger models will also be in their 40's one day.
I'm not going to lie, this still makes me a wee bit sad. But, rather than spending wasted energy on the fact that I am a spinster, I am actually going to embrace it. Every family has one spinster aunt. That gets to be me. I've always been an individual, the odd ball out in my family, so it is fitting.
Welcome to the spinsterhood, I am going the wear the title with pride!!!
Normally the word spinster would be taboo because the spinsters of yore aren't the same as the ones today, yet people still continue to understand the term as it was originally meant. This is the traditional meaning of the word spinster. "A spinster (or old maid) is a woman or girl of marriageable age who has been unwilling or unable to marry, therefore has no children. Socially, the term is usually applied only to women who are regarded as beyond the customary age for marriage, and is generally considered an insulting term, more degrading than the term "bachelor" for males. While men can continue to have children into their 70s or 80s, women generally become less and less able to bear children as they get older. So the term "old maid" is only applied to women who are past a child bearing age but have never married." In some ways a spinster today isn't the same and in other ways it is, and even with today's standards I am now considered a spinster. Yes it is 2008, I am still considered at 42 unmarriable. Sounds a little harsh, yes, but it is actually quite true. Men my age rarely want to marry someone their own age. They require a younger model with the options of reproduction. (I guess they haven't heard that women can still bear children until their mid 50's). Ok, so be it, but they also don't realized those younger models will also be in their 40's one day.
I'm not going to lie, this still makes me a wee bit sad. But, rather than spending wasted energy on the fact that I am a spinster, I am actually going to embrace it. Every family has one spinster aunt. That gets to be me. I've always been an individual, the odd ball out in my family, so it is fitting.
Welcome to the spinsterhood, I am going the wear the title with pride!!!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
by the gods, I made it out alive
Right now I am enjoying a big bowl of fruit... oh how wonderful and yummy these purple and red berries taste. Going without food for 10 days has made me appreciate them. As I said in an earlier blog, I won't be doing the master cleanse again, I'm not saying it's a bad way to detox, I now have a clean slate to work with in my quest to eat as healthy as possible, I'm just not doing it again. The reason I'm not doing this one again, (as the food crazies from day 7 on almost made me mad) during it I started to think it was time to find a different way to detox. So I will.
Today was the first day I was able to beat up my wii boxing guy and that made me happy. It almost felt like I was doing it for the very first time again! Since starting the wii fit and in combination with the fast, I have lost a little over 15 lbs. I have about another 15 to go to be at my target weight.
I can smell the soup cooking in the crock pot... mmmmmmm I can't wait for dinner time when I finally get to put something warm in my tummy that isn't herbal tea. I AM SO F*CKIN G SICK OF HERBAL TEA AND LEMONADE, you have no clue. I actually didn't finish the jug I had from yesterday. Me thinks, it might be going down the sink, at this point I can't even stand the sight of it!!!
Right now, I'm going back to my bowl of fruity goodness... oh food, how do I love thee!
Today was the first day I was able to beat up my wii boxing guy and that made me happy. It almost felt like I was doing it for the very first time again! Since starting the wii fit and in combination with the fast, I have lost a little over 15 lbs. I have about another 15 to go to be at my target weight.
I can smell the soup cooking in the crock pot... mmmmmmm I can't wait for dinner time when I finally get to put something warm in my tummy that isn't herbal tea. I AM SO F*CKIN G SICK OF HERBAL TEA AND LEMONADE, you have no clue. I actually didn't finish the jug I had from yesterday. Me thinks, it might be going down the sink, at this point I can't even stand the sight of it!!!
Right now, I'm going back to my bowl of fruity goodness... oh food, how do I love thee!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
time to tighten the belt....
Last day of the fast. I made it!!! I am however beyond sick of lemonade and herbal tea. I found this fast was hard. I was good till day 7 then the food crazies set it and I've been fighting them since. I was going stir crazy to be exact. I have decided that I won't be doing this one again. I've done it several times and this time was insane. There are tonnes of other ways to detox and I will in future explore other methods.
I can feel my body screaming for food! Literally! I need to start listening when my body tells me things. This isn't my mind playing tricks. I am starving! I've done my 10 days.
My belt is literally being tightened in other ways as well. I need to find cheaper ways of surviving. I've cut back on services such as cable and internet and am starting a search for a cheaper 1 bedroom apartment. I wanted to move anyway. A combination of outrageous rent, and annoying neighbours is pushing me out. That and I am too far north of downtown for my liking. So the apartment hunt in the Queen W and Roncesvalles area begins again. I should have moved there to begin with a year and a half ago, I took this place out of convenience and shouldn't have.
I need to see if I can pull that belt in one more notch!
I can feel my body screaming for food! Literally! I need to start listening when my body tells me things. This isn't my mind playing tricks. I am starving! I've done my 10 days.
My belt is literally being tightened in other ways as well. I need to find cheaper ways of surviving. I've cut back on services such as cable and internet and am starting a search for a cheaper 1 bedroom apartment. I wanted to move anyway. A combination of outrageous rent, and annoying neighbours is pushing me out. That and I am too far north of downtown for my liking. So the apartment hunt in the Queen W and Roncesvalles area begins again. I should have moved there to begin with a year and a half ago, I took this place out of convenience and shouldn't have.
I need to see if I can pull that belt in one more notch!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
are we there yet?
Today, tomorrow and I'm done!!! I am so tired of lemonade and herbal tea it isn't even funny! But, I need to push on...
On your first day off you are suppose to only drink fresh orange juice. Not going to happen. I did that first fast and I was starving all day. The orange juice is suppose to prepare your stomach for food. Since the first one (and have done many fasts since) I have started my day off with fresh apple/pear/ginger juice, then a huge bowl of fresh fruit, a snack of crackers and then a big bowl of soup for dinner. Day two is suppose to be what I just mentioned. I already decided the soup I am having. Squash soup! Thursday morning I am going to fill my crock pot with all the ingredients and by dinner time.. SOUP!
Loving to torment myself, I went to the grocery store and bought food! My fridge is once again full of fresh fruit and veggies, just waiting for me to make it!!! I am tempting fate here. All that food had me salivating, but.. I have to do it! I have to not eat any of it. Thursday is only 45.5 hours away.... the countdown to Food Day has begun!
On your first day off you are suppose to only drink fresh orange juice. Not going to happen. I did that first fast and I was starving all day. The orange juice is suppose to prepare your stomach for food. Since the first one (and have done many fasts since) I have started my day off with fresh apple/pear/ginger juice, then a huge bowl of fresh fruit, a snack of crackers and then a big bowl of soup for dinner. Day two is suppose to be what I just mentioned. I already decided the soup I am having. Squash soup! Thursday morning I am going to fill my crock pot with all the ingredients and by dinner time.. SOUP!
Loving to torment myself, I went to the grocery store and bought food! My fridge is once again full of fresh fruit and veggies, just waiting for me to make it!!! I am tempting fate here. All that food had me salivating, but.. I have to do it! I have to not eat any of it. Thursday is only 45.5 hours away.... the countdown to Food Day has begun!
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