It's time to live this life!

December 21st was a turning point. Not only was it the Solstice, it was the day I made a few very large life changing decisions. All my life I've been a writer, I've done freelance writing part-time and full-time and a year and a half ago, while struggling financially I took a year long contract in a publishing house. Though I felt like I was giving in too easily, I'm glad I did, as I learned a lot about the industry, and that will benefit me as a writer. I will never live my life with regrets and it's never to late to change who you are or what you want out of life and on December 21st I finally and fully accepted this.

So what were these decisions... Oh... the suspense...

I'm sure you've already figured part of this out, one of the decisions is to return to writing full-time, both freelance and as a fiction writer. I know financially this is going to be a major struggle and time to time I will need to take part time gigs, such as bar-tending to help pay rent, but I will do what needs to be done to fulfill this crazy dream of mine. In the meantime, I'm applying for grants, looking for freelance work, tightening the belt and looking for a cheaper place to live. This is who I am and the path I've always meant to be on. I've worked in the corporate environment, working 60 hour weeks, owned a house, went on expensive vacations and was miserable the entire time. I felt like I was selling my soul in order to have a few hours a week to write. I promised I will never do that again.

What are the other things...

To submerse myself back into the indie world. Viki and I started a venture a few years ago, we took a hiatus to figure out how to make it the best it can be and decided to return to the world of Indie artists while we think this through. I have such a crazy love for independent artists and want the rest of the world to see the wonderful talent this city and country has to offer.

To push as hard as I can to be a published fiction author. I have short stories and articles published all over North America, but have yet to have a full novel published. I started a writing goal with another author and dear friend and in January I pumped out 12000 plus words, 9000 of that a novella. I'm finding this is giving me the discipline I need.

To live my life the way I used to. In my 20's I had this insane, chaotic life and I loved every minute of it. Ya there were times where I had no clue where rent or grocery money was coming from, slept on peoples couches, partied with musicians, actors and some absolutely outrageous people. But I loved every single moment of it. Then I hit my 30's and something changed, I decided to be responsible, lived with someone, bought a house, got into debt (which I am still struggling to pay off), and worked in an industry that sucked the life out of me. Now in my 40's it's time to go back to what made me happy. Live the life I should be living, with the people who are meant to be in it.

Yes... I will still panic about money.
Yes... I will still worry about if I'm good enough.
Yes... I will still struggle to be creative.
But...
I will be living this life, my life, with no regrets.

It's time to live this life!

Swing over to torontostage.com to check out Carolina Smart's review of Eternal Hydra.

VOTE!

Everyone should vote for Best New Zombie Tales 2. It's an amazing anthology released by Books of the Dead Press. It's an amazing way to show your support of a independent publish house and a great way to help out some fellow zombies!!! :)

Here is the link, you have to scroll down a bit to find it.

Vote here: ...http://www.critters.org.../predpoll/antho.shtml

To the theatre... to the theatre

One of the many fun and amazing things I get to do as a writer, is review plays. I've been doing it for just over a year now and my specialty is indie. I was just going over the list of all the amazing plays I've seen and am always blown away by the breath of talent, stunning sets and that warm fuzzy feeling you have when you leave.

I post when I've reviewed a play, but thoughts I would share the ones I have done over the last 12 months. Enjoy!

Death of a Salesman
Featuring Loretta
New Electric Ballroom
Where's My Money
Almost Maine
The Dream
The Market
What the Butler Saw

JOHN SKIPP'S "ROSE": THE 3D ZOMBIE PUPPET MUSICAL!

This is a brilliant project and everyone should donate so Rose can reach her goal. But mostly... because I need entertaining and it looks like a fun, wacky Zombie movie!

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A reminder of where I come from..

On my bookshelf is a yellow, plastic envelope. The contents inside is a mix of childhood pictures, old family photos and documentation about the history of my family heritage. I keep promising the yellow envelope, that I will sort it, place the documentation in a proper binder and the photo's in a beautiful album! In 2011 I will. But... that is neither here nor there.

In the process of looking for a photo for facebook, I found a document my Uncle Andy started several years ago, The History Of the Smart Family. Each time I read it I'm in awe of the love and determination my Uncle put into the document, but it is only really a beginning. Our family history is insane, tumultuous and beautiful and each time I read it, I'm reminded of where I come from. Warriors, explorers, but the most important one, proud Scots. If there was a bloody battle, there was a Smart involved, most notably, being part of the outlawed Clan MacGregor. A bunch of bad ass, hard drinking, rowdy troublemakers in Kilts. That about sums up my family still. Maybe a little less Kilt wearing, but you get the picture.

The other thing that bites me in the arse each time, is the paragraph about our coat of arms/crest/family motto.

"The most ancient "Coat of Arms" granted to the Smart name known is, Silver on a chevron between three arrow heads with a gold five leafed clover. The crest is an eagle with a burdock in it's beak. The family motto, "Virtus Pre Nummis" which means... "Virtue before Money"'. Virtue before money... ain't that the truth!

I think it is finally time to stop putting the envelope back on the shelf.

Solstice

{It's too bad Mel isn't in this picture, she was the photographer}

This is how Winter Solstice should be, about letting the light back in and a fresh start. Letting your fears, paranoia's, anger, and regrets burn away in the flames. This years Solstice was such an amazing night from beginning to end! There was fire and lots of it! The beer was constantly flowing. I was with people I care about and love and I met new friends. This is how we should start every new year!

How am I starting my new year? I am going to let go of my fears. I have a few things that I have always been afraid to do. It's time to get over those fears, nut up and do it! I'll let hundreds of spiders crawl all over me, but stand in front of a crowd of people and sing, I panic. I will stand on the roof of a 100 floor high building and look down, but to this day still can't stand on the glass floor of the CN tower. The list is way longer than this and I am challenging myself to get over each one.

And then along came December...

December is usually my least favourite months of the year, October my favourite. In the past, December is filled with frustration and the feeling that I am always pushing against the grain. When you don't celebrate the traditions of others, it ends up feeling like you are constantly teetering on the wobbling fence of awkward, wishing you could hide till December is over. Something about December this year changed. That solid wrapping of darkness fell away. A combination of the people now in my life, and my decision to do the one thing I love, no matter how crazy the struggle, gave me back a huge chunk of freedom. Like minded, loving and non-judgmental people will do that.

New year, new path, new hope :)

<3 <3 <3

Fire good! {Mandy if you are serious, lets do it}