Hey Ladies! I am working on my next two articles and need to hear your stories. These are my two topics:
He’s Your Friend’s Husband & He Hit On You
When To Call It Quits on A Friendship
Please email me at carolina@carolinasmart.ca with your stories, how this made you feel and any other thoughts you have on the topic. I am also looking for feedback from experts.
Also include your name or pseudonym, age, city and occupation!
Thank you! Carolina
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Three steps forward!
The last two and half years of my life have been full of chaos, change, realization, anger, loss, renewal and now finally, calm. The last year seems to be when the majority of all of this happened, but I’m glad it did. It had to because it led me to the place I am in my life right now. This place is a good place and I am finally happy.
There are many factors that got me here. Things that had to happen to make me realize I had been giving way too much of myself away to make others happy and keeping large parts of who I am hidden to not scare others away. I would continually let things go, let people hurt me and act as if things were ok. They weren’t ok, and it took me a year and a half to finally find myself again. I know this sounds all teenage angst and all, but it’s true. I had to buck up and walk away from all the things that were pushing me deeper into the mire that was becoming my life.
In the process of fixing me, I lost a friend of 15 years, lost another friend of a much shorter period, stopped dating all together, hermitted myself and became absorbed in my writing and took time to think long and hard about why I was miserable. What I realized, as I already mentioned, is I was giving away all of me and getting nothing back.
The hardest of all the losses to deal with was my friend of 15 years, she had been there through much of the bad times and most of the good times and I felt like I was going it completely on my own without her. I am not going to get into the whys, the past is the past and it needs to stay there. Though this sounds odd and as hard as it was, I needed to do it on my own. This was the only way I was going to find my strength again.
Finally I’ve found my happy place. I have people around me who like me for who I am, not for what I can do for them. Rather than have a small group of friends, I now have a larger, more diverse group. These are also people who don’t take offense if they don’t hear from me for days at a time, realizing I have a lot on my plate and are willing to let me do what I need to do. I also now quickly recognize all the warning signs and red flags and do not hesitate in walking away from things that are going to put me back in the black hole again.
The other thing I had to struggle with and am now over the hump, is I am incredibly happy being completely single. A year ago last July I stopped dating. The first few months were hard, I went through intense bouts of anger, sadness, low self esteem and loneliness. I feel we are conditioned to believe we need to have a companion or we aren’t complete. Though I do miss the fun benefits of having someone in my life, they were something I was willing to sacrifice and had to if I wanted to be ok again. Not dating was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.
Will I ever be in a relationship again? Maybe, but it has to be with the right person. The lesson I learned is don’t settle for anything less than your highest expectations. They need to have everything that is on the list, not just 60%. In all likelihood, I may never find that person and if so, so be it. It’s like buying a car, if I don’t like the options that come with it, I’m not buying the car!
Career wise, my life is insane, but that amazing I can’t get enough of this insane. I’ve taken a contract position at a publishing house and am learning how the other side of my world works. I’m only into week two but am loving it. I am still writing/editing full time as well and my own writing is moving in the right direction. Though slow, things are falling into place, apparently patience is a virtue that pays off.
It’s been a long, crazy journey, but I am now finally going down the road where I get to take three steps forward!
There are many factors that got me here. Things that had to happen to make me realize I had been giving way too much of myself away to make others happy and keeping large parts of who I am hidden to not scare others away. I would continually let things go, let people hurt me and act as if things were ok. They weren’t ok, and it took me a year and a half to finally find myself again. I know this sounds all teenage angst and all, but it’s true. I had to buck up and walk away from all the things that were pushing me deeper into the mire that was becoming my life.
In the process of fixing me, I lost a friend of 15 years, lost another friend of a much shorter period, stopped dating all together, hermitted myself and became absorbed in my writing and took time to think long and hard about why I was miserable. What I realized, as I already mentioned, is I was giving away all of me and getting nothing back.
The hardest of all the losses to deal with was my friend of 15 years, she had been there through much of the bad times and most of the good times and I felt like I was going it completely on my own without her. I am not going to get into the whys, the past is the past and it needs to stay there. Though this sounds odd and as hard as it was, I needed to do it on my own. This was the only way I was going to find my strength again.
Finally I’ve found my happy place. I have people around me who like me for who I am, not for what I can do for them. Rather than have a small group of friends, I now have a larger, more diverse group. These are also people who don’t take offense if they don’t hear from me for days at a time, realizing I have a lot on my plate and are willing to let me do what I need to do. I also now quickly recognize all the warning signs and red flags and do not hesitate in walking away from things that are going to put me back in the black hole again.
The other thing I had to struggle with and am now over the hump, is I am incredibly happy being completely single. A year ago last July I stopped dating. The first few months were hard, I went through intense bouts of anger, sadness, low self esteem and loneliness. I feel we are conditioned to believe we need to have a companion or we aren’t complete. Though I do miss the fun benefits of having someone in my life, they were something I was willing to sacrifice and had to if I wanted to be ok again. Not dating was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.
Will I ever be in a relationship again? Maybe, but it has to be with the right person. The lesson I learned is don’t settle for anything less than your highest expectations. They need to have everything that is on the list, not just 60%. In all likelihood, I may never find that person and if so, so be it. It’s like buying a car, if I don’t like the options that come with it, I’m not buying the car!
Career wise, my life is insane, but that amazing I can’t get enough of this insane. I’ve taken a contract position at a publishing house and am learning how the other side of my world works. I’m only into week two but am loving it. I am still writing/editing full time as well and my own writing is moving in the right direction. Though slow, things are falling into place, apparently patience is a virtue that pays off.
It’s been a long, crazy journey, but I am now finally going down the road where I get to take three steps forward!
Monday, July 27, 2009
New Issue of Shebytches.com is alive!!!
Hey all the new issue is up! Check it out at www.shebytches.com
Carolina's Bytch An Extinct Breed
Right now I am fighting to stay awake. My recent bout with insomnia has me feeling exhausted. Sure it's beneficial, no sleeping means more time to write. Not sleeping also allows me to think, too much. I should be using my brain power to come up with devious plans on how to take over the world, or write, or finish off my second book proposal, rather than do that, the last two nights I have been trying to figure out why I have this awful pit in my stomach, again.
Heather Wood Happily ever after… or not.
Earlier this year two University of Pennsylvania researchers, Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, released a paper called "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness".
Romy Shiller Double Standard?
When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
- Mae West
Maybe this is a booty call. Do females do that? Do I care? I think many women are worried about seeming desperate or as being perceived as a slut. Do males worry about those things? Dictionary.com defines double standard as "[a] set of principles permitting greater opportunity or liberty to one than to another, especially the granting of greater sexual freedom to men than to women."
Viki Ackland Stick to your DO list
I have always been prone to writing pro and con lists when undecided about things that my head is quite decided about.
Carolina's Bytch An Extinct Breed
Right now I am fighting to stay awake. My recent bout with insomnia has me feeling exhausted. Sure it's beneficial, no sleeping means more time to write. Not sleeping also allows me to think, too much. I should be using my brain power to come up with devious plans on how to take over the world, or write, or finish off my second book proposal, rather than do that, the last two nights I have been trying to figure out why I have this awful pit in my stomach, again.
Heather Wood Happily ever after… or not.
Earlier this year two University of Pennsylvania researchers, Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, released a paper called "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness".
Romy Shiller Double Standard?
When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
- Mae West
Maybe this is a booty call. Do females do that? Do I care? I think many women are worried about seeming desperate or as being perceived as a slut. Do males worry about those things? Dictionary.com defines double standard as "[a] set of principles permitting greater opportunity or liberty to one than to another, especially the granting of greater sexual freedom to men than to women."
Viki Ackland Stick to your DO list
I have always been prone to writing pro and con lists when undecided about things that my head is quite decided about.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
2009 Toronto Zombie Walk Fiendraiser
On July 18, the dead shall rise and descend on the Smiling Buddha Bar for the second annual Toronto Zombie Walk Fiendraiser.
Prepare for an evening of ear-splitting monster bands and spooktacular giveaways. All the money raised from the Fiendraiser will go towards the operating costs of this year's Toronto Zombie Walk.
Only seven people attended the first Zombie Walk, held in Toronto in 2003, but the ghoulish plague has since spread across the globe. Zombie Walks are now held throughout Canada, the United States, England, Australia and Israel. Last year's sixth annual Toronto Zombie Walk drew a record-breaking crowd of over 2,000 living dead!
The Zombie Walk is now bigger than ever. Organizers have been forced to obtain permits to stage this year's walk, scheduled for October 24th.
The Toronto Zombie Walk Fiendraiser will be held at The Smiling Buddha Bar (961 College St. W) on the ghoulish night of July 18th. Doors open at 9 p.m. Bands include The Screamagers {http://www.myspace.com/screamagers}, The Ralcones {http://www.myspace.com/raclones} and Skullians {http://www.myspace.com/skullians}.
Plus special end of the night set with Horror Biz!
http://www.myspace.com/horrorbiz
Come in Zombie gear for discounted tickets, as well as a chance to win our Zombie costume contest. Raffle prizes include gift certificates from Yonge Street Tattoos, leather chokers and passes to the opening night of the Toronto After Dark Film Festival.
You don't want to miss the flesh-eating event of the summer. Come and partake in the Toronto Zombie Walk's second annual Fiendraiser and help us continue to raise the dead every October.
Tickets:
$7 for Zombies!
$10 for Non Zombies
Prize packs donated by the following sponsors:
It’s My Party
Creeped Out Canada
Darkside
Anchor Bay Entertainment
The Krafty Kreep
Yonge Street Tattoos
Toronto After Dark Film Festival
Malabar
Toxic Avenger the Musical
2-Mile Jewellry
Burning Effigy Books
Tightrope Books
AAAAAH-Films.com
Creepy Christine
Invader Press
Cry Wolf Clothing
Quirk Books
The Rock Ons
Schizophrenic Records
The Screamagers
Monday, July 6, 2009
July issue of lipstikindie.com
Hey all, the new issue of lipstikindie.com is ready for your viewing pleasure!
Check out our featured artist Nashira Dernesch as reviewed by Anne F. Walker. Anne reviewed Nashira’s It’s No Secret You’ll Feel Better and The Snowing Under. Anne also reviewed Jan Steckel’s The Underwater Hospital.
Also in the July Issue are Reviews by:
Nik Beat - The Rizdales and Michelle Mangione
Laura Roberts - Snazzy Girl
Matt Gilbert - The Notorious Newman Brothers
Viki Ackland - Mink and The Fat Dukes of Fuck
Carolina Smart - Fresh Blood and Primeval Woods from Burning Effigy and the always sassy High Heels Lofi
Check out our featured artist Nashira Dernesch as reviewed by Anne F. Walker. Anne reviewed Nashira’s It’s No Secret You’ll Feel Better and The Snowing Under. Anne also reviewed Jan Steckel’s The Underwater Hospital.
Also in the July Issue are Reviews by:
Nik Beat - The Rizdales and Michelle Mangione
Laura Roberts - Snazzy Girl
Matt Gilbert - The Notorious Newman Brothers
Viki Ackland - Mink and The Fat Dukes of Fuck
Carolina Smart - Fresh Blood and Primeval Woods from Burning Effigy and the always sassy High Heels Lofi
Monday, June 29, 2009
New Issue of Shebytches.com is alive!!!
Guest Writer
Oneal Walters - Poetry
WHAT'S NEW
Carolina's Bytch - The Baffling Events That Single Women Everywhere Have To Endure
I had an awesome conversation last night with the amazing and talented Kim. I've had a couple rough days, partly due to my own inner demons, partly due some incredibly hurtful things that were said to me. After the conversation, I was able to shake that last bit of crabbiness that was still lingering around.
Heather Wood - SAVED BY THE SUMMER BELL
Well, we're not having a summer election after all. Our barbecues and patio gatherings are safe from annoying interruptions by party canvassers and political campaign calls. More importantly, we now have more time to tackle an on-going problem – the lack of female representation in Parliament.
Pixie Says - Ask the Japanese government to ban video-game rape simulators pt. 2
So my previous post about the Equality Now campaign to ban rape-simulator video games in Japan provoked some discussion on Facebook. One of my friends countered that fantasy is a space that should not be policed: as a feminist, I agree with him, which got me thinking that...
Romy Shiller - POP goes the TEEN
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. ~ Fran Lebowitz
Simply skimming. Images of youth in popular culture. Not Toddlers and Tiaras (2009) about toddler beauty pageants, which makes me sick or the 20-something hot bods in the new Star Trek (2009), I am such a Cougar - "an older woman who sexually pursues men at least eight years her junior."(Wikipedia) I am discussing teenagers and tweens - "the stage between middle childhood and adolescence in human development, generally in the age range of 10 to 12 years of age." (Wikipedia).
and
Romy Shiller - LETTER TO THE EDITOR: MS. MAGAZINE FEATURING BARACK OBAMA ON THE COVER OF Issue: WINTER 2009
According to the book Third Wave Feminism and Television: Jane Puts it in a Box by the head of women's studies at South-Carolina U., Merri Lisa Johnson, I'm a third wave feminist.
Viki Ackland - End of the Road
I am not really a girly girl. Like a lot of my friends and peers I am independent, self assured and have a rather high opinion of my worth. I have a clear idea of what I deserve, what I want, and what I will not tolerate, and the only rare time my Libra self gets out of balance is when one of those equations are missing.
Oneal Walters - Poetry
WHAT'S NEW
Carolina's Bytch - The Baffling Events That Single Women Everywhere Have To Endure
I had an awesome conversation last night with the amazing and talented Kim. I've had a couple rough days, partly due to my own inner demons, partly due some incredibly hurtful things that were said to me. After the conversation, I was able to shake that last bit of crabbiness that was still lingering around.
Heather Wood - SAVED BY THE SUMMER BELL
Well, we're not having a summer election after all. Our barbecues and patio gatherings are safe from annoying interruptions by party canvassers and political campaign calls. More importantly, we now have more time to tackle an on-going problem – the lack of female representation in Parliament.
Pixie Says - Ask the Japanese government to ban video-game rape simulators pt. 2
So my previous post about the Equality Now campaign to ban rape-simulator video games in Japan provoked some discussion on Facebook. One of my friends countered that fantasy is a space that should not be policed: as a feminist, I agree with him, which got me thinking that...
Romy Shiller - POP goes the TEEN
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. ~ Fran Lebowitz
Simply skimming. Images of youth in popular culture. Not Toddlers and Tiaras (2009) about toddler beauty pageants, which makes me sick or the 20-something hot bods in the new Star Trek (2009), I am such a Cougar - "an older woman who sexually pursues men at least eight years her junior."(Wikipedia) I am discussing teenagers and tweens - "the stage between middle childhood and adolescence in human development, generally in the age range of 10 to 12 years of age." (Wikipedia).
and
Romy Shiller - LETTER TO THE EDITOR: MS. MAGAZINE FEATURING BARACK OBAMA ON THE COVER OF Issue: WINTER 2009
According to the book Third Wave Feminism and Television: Jane Puts it in a Box by the head of women's studies at South-Carolina U., Merri Lisa Johnson, I'm a third wave feminist.
Viki Ackland - End of the Road
I am not really a girly girl. Like a lot of my friends and peers I am independent, self assured and have a rather high opinion of my worth. I have a clear idea of what I deserve, what I want, and what I will not tolerate, and the only rare time my Libra self gets out of balance is when one of those equations are missing.
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