Honesty and other stuff

I had an insane week. A lot of stuff happened that made me realize how my world was evolving or rather not evolving. I'm stuck, in a holding pattern and unhappy due to it. The events of this week made me take a step back from myself and re-evaluate the way things are. Below is what happened this week, some observations about both silly things and my own existence.

~Was offered a job in Vancouver and turned it down for all the right reasons. It was a finance position, for a LOT of money and I would have been working with some I really truly like and respect, but... it was in a city I hate and I promised myself never to work in finance again. I hated myself when I did and had no life.

~This is going to be a crazy fun summer!

~I no longer want to be alone and have finally admitted to myself that I want someone special in my life. I do want to wake up on Sunday mornings and make waffles
and drink coffee with them on the balcony.

~Peonies last a really long time!!!

~My balcony is my oasis. I could spend all my time out there. It's peaceful and I need peace in my life right now.

~I can no longer have passive people in my life. I'm not sure why I started letting them in, but they need to go!!!

~If you can't spend time with me or talk to me during World Cup. Don't bother trying to do either once the World Cup is done. I go out of my way to spend time with others and many can't be bothered to reciprocate, so tough titties for you!

~I love that I am getting older, with it comes wisdom and the knowledge that I will never have work done to make myself look younger. I've earned my wrinkles and love them. On July 31st I turn 44 and I don't care who knows!!!

~My dogs are aging and I can't visualize them not being around. The way they greet me when I wake up or come in the door can never be replaced by a human.

~I have 11 weeks to decide what to do with my life. Right now I want to bolt. But running away isn't going to change the reasons I am unhappy.

~I am frustrated that I am not writing enough or making more of an effort. Someone who has been in the publishing industry for over 30 years read some of my stuff and told me I'm not full of shit and I need to put a fire under my ass.

~I didn't go to my high school re-union because of the way I was treated. High school was miserable for me. The only thing I regret is not seeing Mr. Rix. He was the only person who kept me from quitting.

~I miss thunderstorms

~I truly am thankful for the friends I currently have in my life. They are all creeptacular and ghoulish and get me.

~The people who live below me must be away, there was no BBQing this weekend....

~If I choose to stay in Toronto, I need to find and buy my dream home. It might be the stability I need in my life.

~I have been bolting awake every morning at 5 am on the dot... and I don't know why...

~I will no longer be invisible. Lina has returned and those who know me well know EXACTLY what that means!