Thanks Sarrah....

.... now I'm not getting any work done!

linkee that is causing me issues.....

Valentines... Smalentines

Great another commercial holiday to make us feel like absolute shit when no one remembers we exist.  A holiday to sell cards, and chocolates and ridiculous momentos to celebrate what exactly.  Love???  Do we need one specific day for that?

When you love someone, you should be showing them how special they are every single day of the year.  Why do we need some stupid greeting card invention to do that.  Yes, valentines day is a greeting card invention, just like mothers' day, fathers' day, Easter and Christmas.  Anything to bump up consumerism and make us forget the true meaning of holidays. 

Does anyone actually know the true meaning of Valentines, Easter or Xmas.  Do you realize that they are all originally Pagan holidays that the church converted for their own purposes.  Or that Easter and Valentines are actually days that people risking their lives for others were brutally killed for their sacrifices. Does anyone know anything other than what the greeting card companies and television commercials are telling us?  No... That's right, now go have a chocolate bonbon.....

my brain is all foggy....

I am trying to finish writing one final story for the short story book with viki and anna, yet, can't get into it.  At first I thought that it was that I was bored writing it.  I get that way sometimes, it just takes a new view of the story to get me excited again.  But that isn't it.  There is something weighing on me... something that I know has happened but I am too scared to find out if I'm correct.  It's not a bad thing really, it will just change a lot of things.  It will be a new challenge yes, but a positive one.  I just need to wait a few more days and if things don't change... I will go figure it out.  

I know this is cryptic, but I can't say anything else.  Why bother writing this, because to get things off my shoulders I have to write them down.  It usually helps.  And why am I worried about something I'm not even 100% about... I'm very intuitive.  Scary Intuitive.  I knew the second it happened.  I could actually sense it... then tryed to put it out of my mind... but.. I haven't.  Hopefully now I can go back to writing...

my own rear window

I joked to Sarrah that my apartment has it's own rear window view.  She looked at me and said... ummm what is you have in mind.  I'm a bit of a voyerist.  Always have been.  And one of my all time favourite movies is... Rear Window.  Which I am going to put on after I eat.  It beats the really badly done Friday 13th part, what 1000 that is on now.  So back to my rear window.  I live in an apartment building that looks on to two other apartment buildings.  In the summer it was a lot of fun sitting out there and listening the sounds of darkness.  I soon discovered.  Apocolypto boy. 

Apocolypto boy has an apartment in the building right across from me.  I may have never noticed him except he has the biggest TV I've ever seen.  It's gotta be 10 ft across.  Has to, as I can see what he is watching, the only thing missing is the sound.  Now you would think someone like that would take full advantage of this TV and watch tonnes of movies.  No, not Apocolypto boy.  NO!  He insists on watching the same movies over and over again.  Not only that I think the only game he owns is Halo and well, he sucks at it.

Now the whole point of being a voyerist is variety.  You want to be able to look in on other peoples lives but... see different stuff.  This guy was starting to drive me nuts.  To the point that if I saw him watching that stupid movie one more time I was marching down to the video store, buying him some new movies and then throwing them onto his balcony.  I know.. CREEPY!!!

He isn't the only apartment I have the ... creepy pleasure of viewing... there is 'ET call home people'  they have at least a dozen satellite dishes on their balcony and there is this weird strobe light that is going off in their apartment.. all the time.  Smoking guy.... am assuming a chain smoker who isn't allowed to smoke in the apartment... he is on his balcony more than he is in his apartment.  Seriously if I was a smoker and wasn't allowed to smoke inside... I'd be rethinking my habit.  It's friggn cold out now!!!

Then in the summer, well no, even now, there is the belt line and the goings on down there. ... another post for another time.

Right now, am going to eat my dinner and pop Jimmy Stewart in the DVD player and watch one of the best Hitchcock movies ever.

One of my little quirks

Those who know me... know how much I LOVE horror movies, especially Zombie movies.  However, what I like even more than Zombie movies is really badly made horror.  The worse it is made, the more I LOVE it.  I am addicted to Scream channel and I swear during the day they have been showing some of the worst horror ever.   Right now I am watching 2000 maniacs... it's hokey, bad acting, great idea for a movie, don't get me wrong but terrible, terrible, terrible!!  And I can't take my eyes off it.  Just like a train wreck.  The only thing that is a bit disappointing about this movie is the director/writer Herschell Gordon Lewis is known for his gore. Blood Feast is a cult classic.  Yet, there isn't any.... you are lead up to the possibility of gore... then all you get is really bad imitation blood.... sigh.  But again... train wreck.... that I can't stop looking at.

this is bullshit....

My favourite saying lately is either...'this is bullshit' or 'that's bullshit'.  I find it works for pretty much every situation I've been in lately.  Try it.  It seems to make every situation ok.  And once you say it... you kinda realized things really aren't that bad.

Generally when most things go wrong in life... it pretty much is bullshit.  And once you realized that, things will start to look up again.

I think I might have that put on a tee shirt....

Here we go again...

I truly don't understand the human race....  Why is it when we have something so obvious standing in front of us we choose to either ignore, or walk away from it, out of fear, rather than take a leap of faith?  Why as humans do we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, rather than learn from our lesson?  Why can't we ask the questions we really want to, rather than beat around the bush?

I have been involved in a few situations lately that finally pushed me over the edge:   

~One is a friend who clearly hasn't thought through their plans and is now regretting a very serious decision.   

~Another has someone standing right in their face, placed firmly in front of them, someone who loves them dearly and would do anything for them, yet is completely oblivious to it.  Or at least that is the facade they put on.  I think they are using oblivion to cover up their fear of allowing them self to fall in love.  Allowing to let it all go and take a chance.  They are afraid that they are going to fuck up the relationship, and rather than take a chance and find that out, they hid behind their wall or rather continue to walk into that wall, over and over again!

~Then there is the the third, someone who is smart, has great friend, has a great job but according to them, life sucks.  They are so incredibly negative, it pains me to be around them.  All they do is complain about how hard life is.  Yet refuses to do anything to change the way things are.

What this is all summed up to, is fear, fear of change, each one of these persons is afraid to try something because they don't want to fail.  They haven't learned that failure is required before you can achieve any kind of success.  ANY kind!  All I have done for this last year is take leaps of faith, embrace change and bound forward like a bull.  Or in my case a female lioness.  I promised myself to never go through another day not doing things because of fear.  Life is too short to.  

I also say learn from your mistakes.  Who cares if you mess up.  Wouldn't you rather try something to find out if you can do it, rather than go through life saying woulda, coulda, shoulda?  I'm not going to.